mlerules

Feeling far better right now, simply because I took some further steps in the on-going roof repair saga. I read through the two (2) recent letters from the insurance company, formulated my questions, and after trying to call my claims adjuster again to talk about things, finally just wrote and sent her an email with my questions. Ball's in their court now.

A chunk of my relief comes from the lessening of the looming not-making-any-progress feeling. Odd that I hadn't cottoned on to this as one of the biggest stressors when I posted earlier today 'bout feeling down, but instead figured it out when I decided to take action - and immediately began feeling better 'bout everything, even if'n I have yet to get outside for walkies today.

Reminds me of how I tend to feel funky right before having dental work done, and sometimes forget that impending DDS time makes me feel a bit/lot off. So, once again, knowing what's making feel funky does help, even if it gets lost for a time in *waves hands* All This That's Going On (And Not) These Days.

Current Mood: contemplative
Crossposts: https://mlerules.livejournal.com/1177589.html

Whining below. Feel free to skip. Helped a bit to get it out, so I'll post it here for posterity. ( Read more... )

Current Mood: blah
Crossposts: https://mlerules.livejournal.com/1177300.html

Seems lately as if I spend many mornings pulling myself out of the fantods. Sure, it's an upsetting time, and we're going on nearly a year of various levels of lock-down, blahblahblah I know there's good reason for feeling punk, but it's not my usual bubbly self and I really don't care for it.

For a project I began nearly a year back, I take some time each month to go back over past years' photos for the following month, pulling out some for posting each day on FB as a "Blast from the Past." Of late, it's meant realizing how much my world has changed, how much I no longer do what I used to enjoy oh-so-much. (Even as I realize how incredibly privileged my life's been in order to spend so many years living this way.)

Okay, right now I'm listening to good musics, which helps, as does the sun shining and Spring poking its way up through the Earth which I'd see more of if I were to get off my duff and go out walkies daily, which I KNOW is needed, yet have a hard time making myself DO, even as the weather's allowing it more and more these days.

This morning's been particuarly tough, as it began by learning that one of my AquaFit buddies (from before times at the gym and monthly post-workout brunches) just died. Cancer, not Covid, but still sad. She'd taught high school English in Harlem for decades before retiring and moving here to be closer to her kids. She loved theater, had a wicked sense of humor, and shared so many marvelous stories. I miss her. And so much...

Crossposts: https://mlerules.livejournal.com/1166578.html

Finding myself in a bit of a funk(y mood). It's late and I'm really not sure why I'm up now. Things aren't working out as expected/anticipated this weekend. Feeling at a bit of a loss right now. Exhaustion may account for at least some of it. Hoping to get to sleep before long.

Current Mood: lower than I'd like
Current Location: HM
Current Music: none whatsoever

Yeah, I know I declared myself a non-fan of ODAAT, but apparently today it's how I'm wired. Yesterday was good, but exhausting. I enjoyed 4 different social get-togethers, plus emptied 5 of the 10 boxes of carp from the upstairs dorm room.

Despite what should've been plenty of sleep (11-7), I've felt exhausted all day today. Managed to get a bit done (laundry, taking car in for oil change &c., picking up CD for a friend's wedding, burnt mem'l svc pics to CD, blahblahblah), but've also napped lots. A friend's over, but we're napping in between catching up and chatting and getting food. The take-away lesson: apparently emotional overwhelm's tiring.

Current Mood: wiped out

At times the past few days all I've wanted to do is curl up and sleep, but I don't really wanna slide down that Rabbit Hole o' Despair/Sadness. Felt fully exhausted last night though, so crawled into bed a bit before 11pm. Woke up not long after 1am, and really didn't fall back asleep again, although I may've dozed a bit. Finally got up sometime after 5am and started watering outside.

Trying to figure out what's best to do w/myself. I've been spending time w/friends, which is good, and on my own, which doesn't feel so great but probably ain't a bad idea. Realizing I really don't care for living One Day At A Time. My preference = having stuff to look forward to. Anticipation = Good. Recently though I'd had anticipation of Bad Stuff, and now it's come to pass. What all am I going on about now? I really don't know. And I'm not gonna analyze the crap outta it either.

Canceled on one friend today to help another. Don't feel great about it, but it's done.

Okay, listening to music now, which helps (as it so often does). Pulled up the Cancer Mix that

jaylake passed along a few years ago. He made it (I believe) after his initial cancer presentation and it helped him through, so I figured it might help me now that Cancer won the battle w/him (although he certainly gave it a run for its money).

Today: things & stuff (including Godzilla, potato salad prep, UL date night w NBA game)
Tmrw: it'll be exactly 50 years after JayLake was born. A few of us (the Tribe) will have a celebratory/memorial BBQ in his honor.
Sat: attending fambily & close friends memorial service (bringing lots o' Kleenex)
Sun: trad'l brunch w/another group o' Dear Friends, dress-up photog bday party for another friend, possibly attending a Pagan Jug Band show (they're playing Ford Food Drink in conjunction w/a book signing)

Current Mood: ALL OVER THE MAP - MOODY AS FARK!

*deep sigh*

Sooner or later (but not far along enough in the future as far as I'm concerned) a Dear Friend will die of cancer (or something related). It's gonna suck. IT =

jaylake's death and the whole process leading up to it

In the meantime, all I can really do is try to be there/here/around as needed, to take mind(s) off the horribleness, to provide moral and logistical support as needed, blahblahblah Part of this though is making sure I keep MYSELF in good shape (emotionally, spiritually, physically) so I can be around for others w/out needing too much from those who need my help.

Thank goodness for having a good solid, wide support network myself. Times like these one needs a deep bench; luckily I've got one. Phew!

Got out this afternoon for The Last Unicorn w/Q&A by Peter S Beagle at the Hollywood Theater in Portland w/

jaylake and B aka The Child. 'Twas a good experience.

Now: more laundry and list-making and packing for Thanksgiving (& Bonus Dickens Fest) in the Bay Area. Looking forward to seeing fambily 'n' friends and reconnecting and eating well andandand

Current Mood: pensive

Been feeling really good recently. Enjoying socializing - both out and at home - lots. Also balancing getting settled in here at Hive Magnum w/spending time out in Nature. Day before yesterday, I took a friend for a fine music and laughter and conversation-filled Toad Rip to Breitenbush. We got to soak lots - mostly having the pools all to ourselves, enjoyed a lovely picnic along the river (before the rain began), and took in a good labyrinth walk.

Today's a mostly stay-at-home taking care of things 'n' stuff kinda day. The sun's shining brightly. Chicken stock's cooking - and making the whole place smell fab. Lotsa laundry's cycling through. I've unpacked s'more boxes and put things away. Managed to find some stuff I'd feared lost, but 'twas merely misplaced (as happens more often than not ;-)

Will hit Common Grounds Wellness for more soaking w/Lisa &

jaylake this afternoon, after they introduce me to a new (to me) BBQ spot. Hmm, I did water aerobics w/another friend yesterday. Apparently water's figuring heavily into my life these days. Perhaps that water labyrinth tattoo needs to rise ever higher on my list of priorities.

Link to Pics from BBX aka Breitenbush Outing

Current Mood: pleased

It's as if I've been asleep, or zombified, or somehow not really all here, or not quite myself, or something, for ages now. Finally - and at long last - I'm feeling more like myself...or perhaps simply just feeling MORE. Cannot easily describe it. But it's quite positive.

Have been culling lotsa carp lately. Lotsa physical stuff's going out (Free Geek, Village Merchants, Savvy Plus, Goodwill, recycling, garbage). Apparently, emotional stuff's getting aired out as well. Releasing stuff, letting myself feel more again, allowing certain thoughts to linger, thinking forward more (even as I enjoy the moment(s) as they pass, too).

Uncertainty re: future remains, but a measure of confidence has returned. Phew!

Current Music: Come A Long Way - Michelle Shocked

Have spent the past several days mostly locally, just doing regular, everyday things, sometimes on my own, sometimes w/a friend or two or several. Finding myself more often than not w/smile on my face and joy in my heart along the way. Nada particularly special need be going on for this to happen. Simple things're often happy-making things, such as: Enjoying tea at Teahouse in Tower of Cosmic Reflection. Gardening. Back-deck grilling. Hiking. Volunteering. Errand-running. Usual Sunday-brunching. Helping a friend shift furniture & stuff in storage. Card game-playing. Planning events. Reading.

Current Mood: content
Current Music: Rain - Sea Star

So, I finished up All the Studying earlier today and'll take o'morrow off (mostly, prolly). Phew!

Now'm blasting Handel's Messiah as per tradition...on the laptop. It's been years since I've had the responsibility of turning over the stack of records on the spindle to get to the second half, but oh, I remember so well how good it felt to reach the age when I was finally allowed to do so.

Fambily. Connections. Togetherness. This is so worthwhile, happy-making...this is WHY...

Very happy 'n' pleased right now w/music blasting, memories swirling, NOW happening, and pleasant antici-SAY IT!-pation of supper & Sapphire Hotel & PONIES!! at the Hive later this eve w/

lupagreenwolf.

EDIT: Sapphire Hotel was closed. We drove around various spots 'n' finally ended up at Nick's Coney Island. Decent food, but too many/much TV noise. Had a fine evening anyway though :-)

Current Mood: HAPPY

Last night, as I puttered about cooking a real meal for myself w/music playing (recent compilation I made for

magn0lia b'c I like the thought that she might be listening to it at the same time...and it's a darned good selection of stuff I love anyway ;-), with the x-mas tree all lit up and holiday decorations all around, I found myself smiling hugely, which helped elevate my positive mood even more. I'm...not currently partnered (not quite single ;-), yet I'm happy and content and finding satisfaction in my life and activities and world. This is a very pleasing place to be.

Time does heal all wounds. Thank gawd for this! I've got good (nay, GREAT) friends 'n' fambily who've helped me through tricky times. I've made new friends locally and've enjoyed spending time here and hereabouts (and will continue to do so). I'm working on a big, tough project that'll help me move forward in life s'more, too.

Heart's open and happy. Arms too. Smiles galore. Now to get on w/life the universe and everything...or at least today's list of ToDo's... Then to reward myself later w/PONIES w/

lupagreenwolf!

Current Mood: so very pleased :-)

Woke up in the wee hours w/all sorts of good thought whirling and swirling around. Was in no shape, however, to crawl outta bed and get 'em down. Heck, merely rolling over and pulling out the pen and paper in the nightstand seemed like too much trouble, although really, the issue was that turning on the light would've been too much to bear. So, let's see whether I can piece together some of that train of thought before it went off the rails.

( Rambles On )

EDIT: Oh, wait, there IS an accepted form of BOTS: Asking someone out on a date.

Current Mood: :-)

Hoping this lasts. Noting it here in part to track the shifts. Up up 'n' away currently. Zooming quietly. Got to visit w/folks and enjoy new places today. The rains've returned. Best, most intense lovely double/triple rainbow happened out my front door this evening. Freaking glorious. So nice not to drive at all today but instead rely on my own two feet (supplemented by public transportation b'c I can, for which I remain quite grateful).

Ended up downtown for a live all-female tribute to Neil Young benefit for musicians. Once again remembering how very much I enjoy live music...and Neil Young. Plans're unfolding for the next however long. Feeling good to get back into the swing of things again.

Up for a while longer, than to sleep (glorious sleep ;-)

( Pics Below Link )

Current Mood: full o' thinkie thoughts :-)
Current Location: Home at the Hive
Current Music: Helpless from The Last Waltz soundtrack

The pattern for quite a while had been that Bad Days were invariably followed by Good Days. Knowing this made the Bad Days easier to bear. Just recently though I've noticed the opposite as well, that Bad Days've begun following hard on the heels of Good Days. Hoping to nip this latter trend in the bud, as this high a frequency of flipping 'n' flopping feels like Just Too Freakin' Much. It's fine w/me to have Beige Days interspersed 'tween the Highs (Good Days) and Lows (Bad Days).

EDIT: Rhoda is back, and boy-howdy is she pissed...

Current Mood: meh

So, I used to feel this way w/him. Yet that's gone and over now. Furthermore, it seems as if it really wasn't as I'd thought. Except I DID feel that way (secure). The feeling was real, even it what I thought it was based on wasn't necessarily so. Here's where I'm going w/this: if the feeling was real, it came from within me...so howzabout choosing to regain the feeling w/out the outer influence/factor/feature? I like this idea. Sorta like method acting, only w/out the acting. Method living? LIVING. It's as simple - and complex - as this.

Other ways I wanna keep on living: Skip the competition games. Don't get too caught up in/with ambition for its own sake. Don't dream it, be it. Okay. Tag. I'm it. And it's good.

Current Mood: thinkie-thoughtie :-)
Current Music: Ruth Brown's Lucky Lips

I put together the new chest of drawers and made yet another contribution to my IKEA Allen-wrench collection. If'n I were more artsy/craftsy, I'd create something...um, artistic. Adjectives 'n' other descriptive terms've apparently fled my brain for greener pastures elsewhere. Or they've taken wing in Vs across the skies as they migrate South for the Season.

One of the best parts of hiking lots lo these past 7 months has been tracing the seasons, watching 'em unfold and drift and merge together. 'Twas really cool on the final few hikes to hear the honking of the geese as they headed South and look up and see the Vs spreading across the sky.

Spring shifted into Summer and Summer into Fall more gradually then I thought they would. Right now I'm relishing the sunny cool days, as Fall happens w/its changing and falling leaves, w/more wetness and grey, yet still lots of brightness in the sky. It's not a dismal grey, at least now now. (We'll see how I feel in another few months ;-)

( Rambling Cont'd Beneath the Cut )

Current Mood: working on BAPAMAP...

So says the fridge sticker. Am working on this. Now it's time for the brief (?) forays into: And yet. AND But. ( Obtuseness, Again (or Still) )

Current Mood: curious

sigh

Should I be committed for overcommitting? ( On Committment Issues )

Current Mood: neutral, sleepy

EDIT: Got off my butt and looked it up: A three-pronged fork, such as a pickle fork, curved like a spoon and having a cutting edge.

I've forgotten, just what exactly IS a runcible spoon again? ( The Owl & The Pussycat )
( Love vs. F-ship )

Current Mood: contemplative

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mlerules

May 2025

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Entries tagged with mood

Making Progress Helps Mood...Who Knew?!

Feeling in a Mood

AM Fantods aka MiniPityParty

Not As Expected

One Day At A Time

Sleep...Or Not

Meanwhile, Cancer Still Sux

House = Home = Happy (I Haz 'Em All)

Waking Back Up

Simple, Happy-Making Going-Ons

Traditions Cont'd, In New-Fangled Mode

Solo Smiles

B.O.T.S.

Shifting Tides (The Tides They Are A'changin?)

Swinging

Solidity & Security & Comfort / Mood-Choosing

Success

Just Say No to Negativity

Travel Complications Ensue After Deciding To Add One More Trip to the Calendar

Shower Triggers