B.O.T.S.

[mlerules]

Woke up in the wee hours w/all sorts of good thought whirling and swirling around. Was in no shape, however, to crawl outta bed and get 'em down. Heck, merely rolling over and pulling out the pen and paper in the nightstand seemed like too much trouble, although really, the issue was that turning on the light would've been too much to bear. So, let's see whether I can piece together some of that train of thought before it went off the rails.

Something something something 'bout how there's an accepted/known form of correspondence that ends a r-ship - namely the Dear John/Jane letter - yet there doesn't appear to be (or at least I'm unfamiliar with) the opposite: a declaration of intent letter, a Baring Of The Soul (BOTS) communiqué.

Hmm, mebbe the issue is that such a statement is best done in person. Well, heck, I'd say the same re: the Dear John/Jane letter, although I realize that's not always easy...or done. Heck, I've known cases of break-ups via phone message, e-mail, and it's likely that someone's found out by noticing a shift in one's SO's FB status to single. But that's an aside.

* Another Aside: My Gawd it's a glorious day out today! Sun's streaming in the windows. There're shadows showing. I can see blue sky behind the clouds. But were the inside just as nice... Feeling a bit better today, on the mend rather than getting worse, but not yet well. Gonna take it easy and stay near the smallest room. *

So, dunno whether 'tis better to compose 'n' send a BOTS letter (or e-mail or txt msg ;-) or to say something in person. Guess it depends on what I wanna say. And for those of you following along at home, I tend to work out what's on my mind/in my heart/deep in my soul by writing stuff down, such as I'm doing right here right now.

This ain't gonna necessarily make a lotta sense, b'c I'm free-hand journaling now more than going for sense-making. *flexes fingers & takes a deep breathe and lets it flow out*

Curious But Not Committed had been my most recently stated Life Motto, although methinks I have/had changed it somewhat or added to it, but I cannot think of it right now. Hmm, if'n I declared a new/different one yet cannot bring it to mind, it's clearly not THAT important/relevant to me/my life right now.

Feeling like opening up my heart without a lotta expectations or reservations. (There're always certain expectations I retain: respect being the primary one.) Being available, being vulnerable, being open to possibility, seeing what's possible. My preference remains deepness over shallowness. I've gotten burned before; I've experienced hurt/pain. I worried whether I'd be able to trust again, to love (giving & taking) deeply again. I believe I can. I trust I can. I will.

Now what? Dunno, but my arms, hands, ears, and heart are more open now than in a while...and I'm so happy and pleased and excited 'bout it


EDIT: Oh, wait, there IS an accepted form of BOTS: Asking someone out on a date.

Comments

[fjorlief.livejournal.com]

happy heart opening

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Thanks :-)