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mlerulessigh
Should I be committed for overcommitting? Hmm, better than the inability to commit...or the reluctance to commit. Issues include desire/willingness and ability. Choosing to restrict one's choices. Deciding that what's here and now should stay (even though it will by its nature change) versus holding out for...something else/better/more, figuring out what's needed/wanted/desired. The grass is always greener. If negative, the grass always seems browner (and smelly and ohmigod that's not grass at all, but a big steaming pile of...yeah, you get the picture, which is why I say yet again: Just Say NO to Negativity!) But I digress...and regress...and search for egress...and egrets...with regrets (just a few). No rugrats though.
Et tu, Brute. 'Twas the Ides of March not so very long ago.
Not quite sure how "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?" transmuted into "Yo, Bro - Where You At?" Alchemy.
What exactly is settling? Is "it feeling right" the opposite of and/or at least the cure for and/or a symptom of not settling? "It's better than nothing" is generally INSUFFICIENT. Feeling sleepy and foggy and not making a lot of sense...working stuff through somewhat...recording stuff & nonsense for posterity or something.
Re-epiphanization: on-going recurring realizations. Easier/better if'n we could learn lessons from a single experience rather than looping 'round and 'round several times. Not so hard to fool oneself, to be convinced/reassured that this time it's different, it's real, it's right, it's not going to be like the others, 'cause I've learned my lesson(s). Have I learned nothing at all? Or are the tools of sneakiness becoming more sophisticated? Don't want my guard up constantly. But don't wanna be duped/stupid either. I would love to learn to trust my instincts, but I'm not always very good at recognizing 'em, at realizing what they're telling me. Sometimes X seems like the right thing to do and other times it seems like the scariest thing I've ever done, which isn't to say it's wrong, just that it ain't easy.
I worry sometimes about taking the easy way rather than taking on a challenge. But choosing battles is necessary. Identifying the worthwhile challenges is one of the hardest challenges. Sometimes you don't find out until you've started...sometimes not 'til you've finished - or gone pretty danged far. Pulling back and admitting that mistakes were made, that judgment was faulty, can be difficult...but better than staying in a bad sitch outta embarassment.
Nope, not even I really know of what I speak here & now. Thoughts and feeling drift by slowly, in a haze, tumbling, rumbling, jumbling.
Earlier today realized (again?) that along with ups and downs there're neutrals (talking 'bout emotional states). Must remember that neutrals are not bad. They (merely?) are, as the term implies (hell, as it STATES, as the defining feature of the definition) NEUTRAL - having no value judgment whatsover assigned to or placed on 'em. Not up does not mean down. (Again, No to Negativity!) What happens, I think, is that I fear complacency. Recently I've worried a bit now & again off & on that I'm turning agoraphobic. Mebbe I really just need more time AT HOME, 'cause I like it here. Yet I'm really really looking forward to my upcoming travels. Consistency: HA!
Should I be committed for overcommitting? Hmm, better than the inability to commit...or the reluctance to commit. Issues include desire/willingness and ability. Choosing to restrict one's choices. Deciding that what's here and now should stay (even though it will by its nature change) versus holding out for...something else/better/more, figuring out what's needed/wanted/desired. The grass is always greener. If negative, the grass always seems browner (and smelly and ohmigod that's not grass at all, but a big steaming pile of...yeah, you get the picture, which is why I say yet again: Just Say NO to Negativity!) But I digress...and regress...and search for egress...and egrets...with regrets (just a few). No rugrats though.
Et tu, Brute. 'Twas the Ides of March not so very long ago.
Not quite sure how "Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?" transmuted into "Yo, Bro - Where You At?" Alchemy.
What exactly is settling? Is "it feeling right" the opposite of and/or at least the cure for and/or a symptom of not settling? "It's better than nothing" is generally INSUFFICIENT. Feeling sleepy and foggy and not making a lot of sense...working stuff through somewhat...recording stuff & nonsense for posterity or something.
Re-epiphanization: on-going recurring realizations. Easier/better if'n we could learn lessons from a single experience rather than looping 'round and 'round several times. Not so hard to fool oneself, to be convinced/reassured that this time it's different, it's real, it's right, it's not going to be like the others, 'cause I've learned my lesson(s). Have I learned nothing at all? Or are the tools of sneakiness becoming more sophisticated? Don't want my guard up constantly. But don't wanna be duped/stupid either. I would love to learn to trust my instincts, but I'm not always very good at recognizing 'em, at realizing what they're telling me. Sometimes X seems like the right thing to do and other times it seems like the scariest thing I've ever done, which isn't to say it's wrong, just that it ain't easy.
I worry sometimes about taking the easy way rather than taking on a challenge. But choosing battles is necessary. Identifying the worthwhile challenges is one of the hardest challenges. Sometimes you don't find out until you've started...sometimes not 'til you've finished - or gone pretty danged far. Pulling back and admitting that mistakes were made, that judgment was faulty, can be difficult...but better than staying in a bad sitch outta embarassment.
Nope, not even I really know of what I speak here & now. Thoughts and feeling drift by slowly, in a haze, tumbling, rumbling, jumbling.
Earlier today realized (again?) that along with ups and downs there're neutrals (talking 'bout emotional states). Must remember that neutrals are not bad. They (merely?) are, as the term implies (hell, as it STATES, as the defining feature of the definition) NEUTRAL - having no value judgment whatsover assigned to or placed on 'em. Not up does not mean down. (Again, No to Negativity!) What happens, I think, is that I fear complacency. Recently I've worried a bit now & again off & on that I'm turning agoraphobic. Mebbe I really just need more time AT HOME, 'cause I like it here. Yet I'm really really looking forward to my upcoming travels. Consistency: HA!
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no subject
Date: 2006-03-23 10:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-23 03:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-23 11:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-03-23 03:17 pm (UTC)Gah...what if my brain freezes up and no words come out...I'll have to mime my thoughts, play free-association charades, use the Twister spinner to relate my state o' mind (red = likes, blue = not-so-muches, green = areas of growth, yellow = log-jams, left hand =...). Nope. No clue where that came from. Oh, wait, I lie: BB&Beyond's got this summer beach towel set w/the pattern on the towel being the Twister dots and it includes a cheap-@ss flimsy Tw spinner. NOT something I need, but something I'm considering getting. Can you say impulse purchase that's been noodling for a while now. Picked it up & put it back down several times on my last visit (whilst returning md drawer organizer for sm one)...decided NOT to do it unless (until) I had a coupon for bux off, 'cause they send me one every week or three. One just came in the mail yesterday and I need to figure out whether to do it or not. Have a marvie Toad Rip back from grandparentalness!