Ah, Contrasts...

They increase appreciation. This morning, the fog's out. Yesterday 'twas sunny & bright. Both're Portand, through and through. I'm happy w/both, and that both occur back-to-back. Today's a smiling-type o' day. Things to do, both mundane and exciting, w/a good soundtrack playing in the background. It's a good life...

Best of Times, Worst of Times

Now it's far more the former (thank goodness), w/pudding made, set, and chillin' and t'other picnicky stuff ready to go as well. A couple nights ago 'twas the latter. Rhoda was firmly in the driver's seat...and boy was she PO'd...swerving all over the farking road, chucking Malatov cocktails out the windows, spiraling and veering and being exceptionally (and unnecessarily...well - DUH!) lame and self-loathing.

Funny thing was though, as soon as I identified that 'twas Rhoda doing her thang, I felt a whole lot better. Somehow I could - and did - divorce myself from her/it/the feelings. Yeah, I compartmentalized. And it was good. I stepped back and realized that something was up - what I felt was unrelated to reality/facts. Those feelings were coming outta, well, it ain't clear which poison well the nonsense was drawing up from, but I realized 'twas bad and unhealthy and unwise and unnecessary - and I was able to get beyond/over it.

Earlier this evening I noticed/realized/remembered that letting myself get too hungry and/or tired will often lead to lowness, so I'm gonna try hard not to let this happen.

Volatility's up. Noting it. Dealing w/it.

Overall: good. Two thumbs up. Fingers waggling. Kittenhead Havana clustering close. Sleep beckoning. We shall see if'n the large pot o' chai I had w/dinner will interfere w/sleepy-byness. Considering how I'm feeling right now, I think NOT. And if so, I'll draw a nice hot bath and read s'more. Getting close to the end of The Big Sky. Soon(ish) I'll re-read The Way West.

Thinkie-Thought 'Bout Feelings & Narrative(s)

Sometimes it seems as if I start to feel X and I tell myself a story aka construct a narrative in order to explain/justify my having the feeling of X. This ain't always particularly helpful, b'c if'n X is a negative feeling, the story ain't happy-making (um, by definition).

Hmm, mebbe it's better not to identify the feeling X as negative...'cept if'n I'm trying to make sense outta it and the story I come up with that explains it is one which I don't like (aka which is negative), well, hmm, something's missing from this, something vital.

Apparently I've got a drive to make sense outta things, to understand things, to define/identify/classify/label/categorize things. Been working on letting this go somewhat. Not really sure how else to be though, what else to do, how to exist w/out this.

Ah, well - not gonna worry/think 'bout this any more now. Gonna lose myself in a book for a while then sleep.