Realization About Yesterday's Lack of Oomph

[mlerules]

I'd forgotten, but one typical manifestation of MLE Worry/Concern is Apathy/Loss of Feeling. Mebbe next time I'll see it as such ahead of time...such as on Wed, 12/2 when I return for crown fitting & its next door neighbor tooth's drilling & filling.

This realization fits right in w/some of my recent musings 'bout the importance I place on Anticipation. I generally really like Anticipation. It's often a chunk of what makes a trip or adventure or whatEVER I'm looking forward to that much better/more enjoyable/more: running it through in my head, imagining how whatEVER it'll be ahead of time, it helps put me on my game so I can deal w/shifts/whatEVER arises/occurs.

Of course, issues can arise if'n expectations arising from anticipation aren't met - but usually that's not so much of a problem. The rush of the moment, the goodness, the whatEVER the adventure/trip/thing holds can still shine through even if'n it's not what I expected. What the anticipation does is heighten the experience, amp me up for whatever 'tis, help me be open to the experience to "get" it more fully/deeply.

Now in the case of an expected unpleasant experience - such as dental procedure(s) - I don't really WANT to feel/deal with the anticipation, I don't wanna run through the expected feelings ahead of time...so apparently (I'm just realizing this even more as the words drip outta the pen onto the paper (hey, I'm being metaphorical here, chill/deal, 'kay ;-) - so apparently one coping mechanism I've come up with is to shut down my feelings/anticipation pretty much totally in anticipation of unpleasantness.

Thinking this may be linked as well to the paralysis that can come from overwhelm: too much to do, too many possibilities, instead I'll sit here and eat...

Okay, THIS is what I mean by I wish my intuition were better: I would like to be able to figure this out ahead of time, to go "hey, I'm feeling this way b'c of such and so." Then again, mebbe after today I'll be better able to do so.

Comments

[wildwoosi.livejournal.com]

Hope everything went well and the negative anticipation will be easier to quell in the future...

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Thx. 'Twas unpleasant. And the negative anticipation was totally nonexistent this last time, hence my concern over my lack of "oomph" aka total apathy beforehand. I didn't know where it was coming from or what was up 'til afterwords so wondered 'bout it (yesterday's LJ post).

[quetz.livejournal.com]

Anticipation is something that ALWAYS stresses me out. I need to make sure, and doubly sure, that I have prepared everything for whatever-it-is. I am anal enough to make myself checklists. I am gratified when things go off without a hitch, because that means I was properly prepared, so it is worth the stress. What is far, far worse in my book is to not prepare for a given event. Then, it isn't Eustress I feel, but Distress - I can't stand the thought of doing something half-assed.

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

The Virgo in me makes lists (and checks 'em twice) as well. And I fully realize that a chunk of what makes the DDS stuff so stressful is that I'm so outta control/charge of what's going on.

Sometimes though, I just like to go w/the flow, 'specially when traveling. I like to do the research so I know what options exist, but when I actually get out and about, what I do and in what order will unfold as I whim. Traveling Europe w/a train pass was great for this. One day the weather sucked where I was, so I got on the train and got off when the weather was good again. I spent quite a pleasant afternoon at the zoo in Basel this way. :-)