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mlerulesDrove from Hive - CopperMoon yesterday. Will drive the reverse today, picking up ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lightfoote in Bellevue on the way. O'morrow we fly to the Bay Area for a long-anticipated weekend of fun. *bouncing at prospects*
It's just lovely here today. Birdfeeders're all filled now. Soon I'll toss all garbage into the bin and haul it out curbside for pick-up o'morrow morning here.
It's Summertime and much zooming's on the schedule. I could just go along w/it, or I could stop 'n' think some and figure out if'n it's really what I wanna do (oh, I know 'tis all stuff I'd enjoy)...or whether there's something ELSE and/or MORE I'd rather really focus on in the near-term/future.
Feeling like I'm at a crux... (Can I use "a crux" rather than "the crux?" B'c although it may be uber-important now, it's also just one of several I've had and'll likely have in my life.) Anyway - not sure whether to try to analyze the he!! outta it/things/stuff, 'specially since at this point I cannot even clearly articulate whassup. Mebbe it's best now to let it go (whatever the heck IT even is! ;-), go w/the flow, and see what happens. Hmm, 'cept there's at least a certain amount of FLOWing towards hammering away at IT...or at least stopping, pausing, peering at it from all sides/angles, trying to get fresh perspectives and see whassup. If not bashing w/hammer, mebbe chipping away slowly, gently, brushing away the flecks, but also looking at the flecks in case there's shininess in amongst the stuff what looks like dross.
I don't know what I want or need. Okay. I do know much of the former, but not fully the latter. And I'm not sure how best to get/achieve/manifest the former in order to best satisfy the latter.
Simultaneously feeling a need to hammer/hash stuff out, and a strong desire just to let it freakin' GO for a change...mebbe for a while would work as a good compromise. Mebbe I'll take a break - and try not to worry too much that once again lots 'n' lotsa time will elapse w/out thinking or dealing or taking control of IT (in this case, IT = my life). Yeah, taking a break's not always easy for me. 'Cept when 'tis... But then it's not a break so much as just doing whatever I'm doing right then 'n' there. The break then becomes a break from thinking so much 'bout stuff 'n' things.
Taking control is not quite the same as wresting control. Latter puts me in mind of retrieving something from another. Former is me imposing self-control onto myself, stopping/slowing the drift. Do I wanna just drift s'more. Hmm, this phrasing implies no, not so much. But yet what remains is the direction and/or a goal. What can I DO?
Eh, 'nuff for now. I think what matters is to stir things up now 'n' again, then turn down the heat and let the internal stuff simmer for a while. Too much and stuff boils over and/or boils dry. Then: add more liquid, chop more tidbits, make more stock...and start cooking once again. I guess one qx is who wants to dip in a spoon 'n' taste my stew (oh, yeah, majorly metaphorically-speaking here ;-)
Once again, just letting all this OUT helps me. Sometimes I forget to journal, to take the time/energy and Just Do It... *LOL* b'c I abhor this phrase, yet it just oozed out right here right now.
****************
Thinking of Left Behind. Being and doing. Moving Right Alone. Not alone. Not lonely. But not as deeply connected as I'd like either. Not often enough anyway. Dunno if'n it's an issue more of depth, or of frequency. I want lotsa both. And I want it mutually desired 'n' given 'n' received 'n' traded 'n' built 'n' created 'n' felt 'n' enjoyed 'n' appreciated. Nah, not too much to ask, either. ;-P
Not easy to find...not easy to maintain. And so life flows on and those w/whom I've shared much deep good strong connection go their own ways while I go mine. It's sad, but one of those things to deal with, to learn from, to make sure doesn't harden the heart...
Time & desire & geography & other choices don't always mesh as desired.
lightfoote in Bellevue on the way. O'morrow we fly to the Bay Area for a long-anticipated weekend of fun. *bouncing at prospects*It's just lovely here today. Birdfeeders're all filled now. Soon I'll toss all garbage into the bin and haul it out curbside for pick-up o'morrow morning here.
It's Summertime and much zooming's on the schedule. I could just go along w/it, or I could stop 'n' think some and figure out if'n it's really what I wanna do (oh, I know 'tis all stuff I'd enjoy)...or whether there's something ELSE and/or MORE I'd rather really focus on in the near-term/future.
Feeling like I'm at a crux... (Can I use "a crux" rather than "the crux?" B'c although it may be uber-important now, it's also just one of several I've had and'll likely have in my life.) Anyway - not sure whether to try to analyze the he!! outta it/things/stuff, 'specially since at this point I cannot even clearly articulate whassup. Mebbe it's best now to let it go (whatever the heck IT even is! ;-), go w/the flow, and see what happens. Hmm, 'cept there's at least a certain amount of FLOWing towards hammering away at IT...or at least stopping, pausing, peering at it from all sides/angles, trying to get fresh perspectives and see whassup. If not bashing w/hammer, mebbe chipping away slowly, gently, brushing away the flecks, but also looking at the flecks in case there's shininess in amongst the stuff what looks like dross.
I don't know what I want or need. Okay. I do know much of the former, but not fully the latter. And I'm not sure how best to get/achieve/manifest the former in order to best satisfy the latter.
Simultaneously feeling a need to hammer/hash stuff out, and a strong desire just to let it freakin' GO for a change...mebbe for a while would work as a good compromise. Mebbe I'll take a break - and try not to worry too much that once again lots 'n' lotsa time will elapse w/out thinking or dealing or taking control of IT (in this case, IT = my life). Yeah, taking a break's not always easy for me. 'Cept when 'tis... But then it's not a break so much as just doing whatever I'm doing right then 'n' there. The break then becomes a break from thinking so much 'bout stuff 'n' things.
Taking control is not quite the same as wresting control. Latter puts me in mind of retrieving something from another. Former is me imposing self-control onto myself, stopping/slowing the drift. Do I wanna just drift s'more. Hmm, this phrasing implies no, not so much. But yet what remains is the direction and/or a goal. What can I DO?
Eh, 'nuff for now. I think what matters is to stir things up now 'n' again, then turn down the heat and let the internal stuff simmer for a while. Too much and stuff boils over and/or boils dry. Then: add more liquid, chop more tidbits, make more stock...and start cooking once again. I guess one qx is who wants to dip in a spoon 'n' taste my stew (oh, yeah, majorly metaphorically-speaking here ;-)
Once again, just letting all this OUT helps me. Sometimes I forget to journal, to take the time/energy and Just Do It... *LOL* b'c I abhor this phrase, yet it just oozed out right here right now.
****************
Thinking of Left Behind. Being and doing. Moving Right Alone. Not alone. Not lonely. But not as deeply connected as I'd like either. Not often enough anyway. Dunno if'n it's an issue more of depth, or of frequency. I want lotsa both. And I want it mutually desired 'n' given 'n' received 'n' traded 'n' built 'n' created 'n' felt 'n' enjoyed 'n' appreciated. Nah, not too much to ask, either. ;-P
Not easy to find...not easy to maintain. And so life flows on and those w/whom I've shared much deep good strong connection go their own ways while I go mine. It's sad, but one of those things to deal with, to learn from, to make sure doesn't harden the heart...
Time & desire & geography & other choices don't always mesh as desired.
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no subject
Date: 2011-05-22 09:49 pm (UTC)I'm certain you will be fine. But, as always, my phone ear is here for you as are my email eyeballs. And in a month my shoulders will be there to rest your noggin on.
It's sounding like T and I may have time (and we always have the inclination) to stop by your place before heading home from Fworlds, if that works/sounds good/is desirable. Playing things by ear is good with me too.
Loving you.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-24 05:01 pm (UTC)Oh, didja happen to get my orange rose in sunshine pic msg yesterday (Mon) morning? I pic-msg'd you from my phone, but amn't sure we rec'v each other's photo msgs, for some unexplainable reason.
Oooh, it'd be SWELL to have you 'n' T at the Hive some post-FW. And this way you could also meet MY 'rents (Mom & J will be up then)!