Heart In My Hands
May. 18th, 2011 09:38 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mlerulesFeeling a DUMP coming on. It's a combo brain-dump, heart-dump, soul-dump, core-dump, emotional-dump, an airing out of my innards, a flooding of my inner-workings w/word flow and fresh air so the cobwebs get blown away and excess dust 'n' kloodge of all sorts gets washed away by the words flowing out and around and through it all.
It ain't gonna be pretty or neat or sensible. It may even appear highly cryptastic. That's b'c it's for me, not you. So deal. Or don't. No skin off my butt, either way.
Yeah, I didn't actually hold anybody's heart in my hands, but I did indeed get down and exceptionally cleanly 'n' intimately involved w/![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
jaylake's heart last Sunday. In short (HA! ;-), I got to remove the chemo-pump (Cudd Prizm) device to which he'd agreed to let the OHSU medical staff tether him via a strap 'round his neck all weekend. We knew 'twas time once it began beeping, advising us it'd emptied itself of the 45* hours-worth of all sorts o' nasty-@ss highly toxic chemicals (FOLFIRI) via small tube directly into a port surgically implanted in his chest connected straight to his jugular vein.
There were rubber gloves involved, and clamps, and protocols 'n' procedures to follow (I'd gotten training at OHSU's lovely waterfront Cancer Care Clinic last Friday when they hooked him up to the thingie), and little fiddly bits (bright red caps to ensure that the last few drops of nasty toxic stuff didn't ooze out), w/much swabbing and peeling off of adhesive dressing, until finally I found myself unclamping the line (thin tubing), cleansing the pointy bit thoroughly (15+ seconds w/alcohol swap), ripping the wrapper off a sterile syringe (okay, actually 'twas JL's st-mom who did this and handed it to me, as extra hands helped lots, even if'n it messes somewhat w/the narrative flow ;-), screwing it 1/4 turn into the pointy bit, and then slowly plunging 10 cc of saline solution directly intojaylake's jugular vein. Whoa. Talk 'bout intimacy. Talk about trust.
After that I took off that syringe, plunked it into the large red Sharps box, and repeated the process w/another syringe, this time 5 cc of heperin (sp). After that came the bloody bit, holding bits down, squeezing the clampy bits together, and pulling the needle outta his chest. I gather that a drop of blood's normal. This wasn't too much more, but 'twas enough to warrant extra mopping up w/alcohol swaps and then a band-aid...and much hand-washing after adding gloves &c. to the home-Sharps biohazard box. Well, at least I'll have a chance to perfect my technique, as I'll be doing this again at the end of the next couple of FOLFIRI rounds (every other Sunday).
Later on we we ritually burned the scrap of foolscap on whichthe_child had calligraphed 1/12 to symbolize the end of the first of his dozen FOLFIRI chemo sessions.
Eh, not really as Dump-y as I'd meant/thought it'd be. Really far more of a descriptive dump. But I feel a bit better for it, so that's good 'nuff for now. More 'bout balls 'n' playing games to come...or not.
* It shoulda been 48 hours - still dunno what was up w/that
Okay, now I wanna concoct - and consume - a FOLFIRI cocktail**. Hmm, mebbe I'll just rework the marvelous Velvet Hammer that Murray bestowed upon us as we gathered up our belongings in preparation for leaving the lovely Zig-Zag Cafe several months back. The coaster on which he wrote out the recipe now lives right here by my small (but sweet & savory) Classic Cocktail reference library.
Yes, my FOLFIRI cocktail** shall consist of Gin 'n' Campari 'n' Canton Ginger 'n' Lime Twist, plus something else to distinguish it as mine own. Thoughts, tips, hints, suggestions hereby solicited fromdritikol and any other mixologists reading along.
EDIT: Quite possibly absinthe will serve as the final ingred. Taste-testings shall confirm or deny this once conducted. Thx for all who're playing along.
** Named that, mind you, not an actual one.
It ain't gonna be pretty or neat or sensible. It may even appear highly cryptastic. That's b'c it's for me, not you. So deal. Or don't. No skin off my butt, either way.
Yeah, I didn't actually hold anybody's heart in my hands, but I did indeed get down and exceptionally cleanly 'n' intimately involved w/
jaylake's heart last Sunday. In short (HA! ;-), I got to remove the chemo-pump (Cudd Prizm) device to which he'd agreed to let the OHSU medical staff tether him via a strap 'round his neck all weekend. We knew 'twas time once it began beeping, advising us it'd emptied itself of the 45* hours-worth of all sorts o' nasty-@ss highly toxic chemicals (FOLFIRI) via small tube directly into a port surgically implanted in his chest connected straight to his jugular vein. There were rubber gloves involved, and clamps, and protocols 'n' procedures to follow (I'd gotten training at OHSU's lovely waterfront Cancer Care Clinic last Friday when they hooked him up to the thingie), and little fiddly bits (bright red caps to ensure that the last few drops of nasty toxic stuff didn't ooze out), w/much swabbing and peeling off of adhesive dressing, until finally I found myself unclamping the line (thin tubing), cleansing the pointy bit thoroughly (15+ seconds w/alcohol swap), ripping the wrapper off a sterile syringe (okay, actually 'twas JL's st-mom who did this and handed it to me, as extra hands helped lots, even if'n it messes somewhat w/the narrative flow ;-), screwing it 1/4 turn into the pointy bit, and then slowly plunging 10 cc of saline solution directly into
jaylake's jugular vein. Whoa. Talk 'bout intimacy. Talk about trust. After that I took off that syringe, plunked it into the large red Sharps box, and repeated the process w/another syringe, this time 5 cc of heperin (sp). After that came the bloody bit, holding bits down, squeezing the clampy bits together, and pulling the needle outta his chest. I gather that a drop of blood's normal. This wasn't too much more, but 'twas enough to warrant extra mopping up w/alcohol swaps and then a band-aid...and much hand-washing after adding gloves &c. to the home-Sharps biohazard box. Well, at least I'll have a chance to perfect my technique, as I'll be doing this again at the end of the next couple of FOLFIRI rounds (every other Sunday).
Later on we we ritually burned the scrap of foolscap on which
the_child had calligraphed 1/12 to symbolize the end of the first of his dozen FOLFIRI chemo sessions. Eh, not really as Dump-y as I'd meant/thought it'd be. Really far more of a descriptive dump. But I feel a bit better for it, so that's good 'nuff for now. More 'bout balls 'n' playing games to come...or not.
* It shoulda been 48 hours - still dunno what was up w/that
Okay, now I wanna concoct - and consume - a FOLFIRI cocktail**. Hmm, mebbe I'll just rework the marvelous Velvet Hammer that Murray bestowed upon us as we gathered up our belongings in preparation for leaving the lovely Zig-Zag Cafe several months back. The coaster on which he wrote out the recipe now lives right here by my small (but sweet & savory) Classic Cocktail reference library.
Yes, my FOLFIRI cocktail** shall consist of Gin 'n' Campari 'n' Canton Ginger 'n' Lime Twist, plus something else to distinguish it as mine own. Thoughts, tips, hints, suggestions hereby solicited from
dritikol and any other mixologists reading along.EDIT: Quite possibly absinthe will serve as the final ingred. Taste-testings shall confirm or deny this once conducted. Thx for all who're playing along.
** Named that, mind you, not an actual one.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-05-18 05:04 pm (UTC)It'll get easier. I did Jay's and although I've not had a port--I went with the pic line as my neck veins are not good for a port--I've even done my own. Let's see, I must have done this uhm, over 90 times now? I wonder if I can get a nursing license based on experience? heh.
You need something toxic looking for your final ingredient. Something that needs processing and is known for mind numbing....I've got it, absinthe.
Good work,
Anon
no subject
Date: 2011-05-18 05:13 pm (UTC)Ooh, absinthe...the PERFECT final ingredient! Well, at least theoretically, anyway. I see that I shall have to practice to perfect it. Hmm, methinks I'll give it a try tomorrow eve and test whether it adds positively to the overall flavor.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-18 06:17 pm (UTC)Upon first glance, I read that as you were dressing as a bear, and I wondered if they had furries as nurses in the hospital.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 12:56 am (UTC)And when I read your "furries" I heard it aloud as faeries...and Faerieworld shall never be the same. Heh, can you imagine getting a good size contingent of furries together to crash FW claiming they mis-heard the point of the whole World. Huzzah for FurryWorld!
no subject
Date: 2011-05-18 08:25 pm (UTC)Victory beverage time.
Love
no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 08:02 am (UTC)Anon
no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 04:12 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 04:44 pm (UTC)I was there Fall 81-Spring 84 more or less. Also at Cowell. I recognized you in your icon hence the friending. That was also the year I got my cancer diagnosis and had to leave Cowell--lived mostly in hospitals for the next two years and was only a part-time student. So it's no real surprise that you don't remember me. Studied Marine Sciences (aka. surfing), Anthropology, boys and late night on campus LARPS and RPGs. Oh and all that medieval stuff. :) Did not graduate there, went on to SJSU & SFSU. And then Loyola....
Anon
no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 04:54 pm (UTC)Hard to believe you could recognize me from my LJ icon. I think of myself as such a different person now than then.
In which house didja live at Cowell (assuming you were on-campus at least at first)?
I ended up majoring in Anthro (but didn't graduate 'til '87...from UCLA (w/a year at Uni of Sussex via EAP)). My best friend from high school - still a Dear Friend - was at UCSC from '81 - '88ish (marine bio undergrad 'n' grad 'n' working full time in lab afterward), before shifting to Bermuda for 8 years, and thence to USC since then. My mom taught Anthro variously at SFSU & SJSU 'til she retired a few years back.
Heh, and I ended up at Loyola Law School myself ('90-'93).
no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 11:09 pm (UTC)I think it was Prescott? But I never moved in--a family friend offered me a room cheap. I hung out in the apartments frequently I could probably walk there but can't think what they were called.
I eventually settled on English lit with emphasis on medieval lit.
Loyola eh? (cue insipid song) The Jesuits, they like me. And to bring it round full circle, I tended bar at their fundraising events....
Anon
no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 01:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-18 05:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 06:09 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 05:38 pm (UTC)Try: 1.5 plymouth gin, .75 Ginger liqueur (I've been playing with King's Ginger, which is less sweet than the Canton), .75 Campari, 3-6 drops absinthe.
You could make it summery by adding Ginger Beer, playing off of an Americano. However, given that you're naming it after a toxic chemo cocktail, I'd avoid lightening it up. Make it mean. Mayhaps try a dash of bitters (which sounds silly, given the Campari, but it will add depth). I'll poke around with some alternate amari and see what I come up with.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 05:51 pm (UTC)Oh, have a GREAT time at MEF this weekend! Please pass along my best to all 'n' sundry. Drink to/for me, 'k?!
Do tell whatcha come up w/along these lines. I'll check out your suggestion once I'm home again w/time to spare. (I neglected to list the proportions Murray used 'n' wrote down for me, but'll send 'em to you when I think of't.)
no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 06:30 pm (UTC)As neither you nor I are at GeekFest this weekend, perhaps a nice long phone chat? Let me know when.
Loves to you.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 06:39 pm (UTC)I look forward to a good long chat w/you, but don't quite know when at this point...
no subject
Date: 2011-05-20 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-05-19 07:00 pm (UTC)I will drink myself silly, so I can fit a few drinks in for you! And pass along your best!
And, I found a tiny bottle of Canton in the bar, so I'll pack that and the Campari and test this weekend. I've already got the other stuff packed to go.
no subject
Date: 2011-05-20 12:57 am (UTC)Have fun out there!