mlerules

Lots & lotsa food for thought now.

Ya' know how sometimes it seems you can't do ANYTHING right? Well that'd be the past 24 hours for me. I'M SORRY I'M SO LAME! Don't care for my anti-Midas touch. Won't bash myself about the head & neck too much though.

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Will spend some time today (and in upcoming daze) digesting input, marinating ideas, ruminating on possibilities/thoughts/feelings, figuring out whassup w/in...and perhaps what I'll do about it, if I even have the option. I can change my attitude if nothing else. Mebbe.

It's odd that I had absolutely NO idea that something would affect me the way it did. Especially since I was feeling DISTINCTLY ambivalent 'bout it anyway. (Ambiv often = of twelve minds, 'tho' this time was the more trad'l conflicting 2: do I or don't I want X - or some other letter/variable over) Guess it mattered after all. What does this MEAN? Dunno.

Not quite sure what the expression "not having a pot to p!ss in" refers to, but I sorta feel like I'm missing (and wanting) my own pot. Oooh. This imagery sux (in a bad way).

Struggling not to give in to the desire (not super-strong right now, but crashing in waves on my psyche...and I think the tide's coming in) to crawl back into bed, curl up in a little ball, and ignore everyone and everything for a while. How much of an ambivert am I? (Stumbled 'pon "ambiversion" this morn: a personality trait showing both introversion & extroversion.)

One of the secrets to not taking everything personally is realizing (and accepting) that the entire world does NOT revolve around me, much as I'd like it to. Sometimes I like playing the role of the fly on the wall. Then sometimes I want that fly to be as big & weighty as a VW bug, blinkers a-flashing & wipers a-slapping.

Back, as is oft the case, to the constellation analogy. Folks circle 'round, 'pending on the season, forming different configurations, w/differing r-ships 'tween 'em...and w/me. Patterns form, then dissolve. Reconstitution. One needs a fairly strong constitution to dance the dance. I sha'n't say "to play the game," 'cause it's an analogy I really don't care for much.

Oh, pish, this is getting to be too maudlinly annoying, so I'm gonna get up and get to it and stop...whatEVERing. It's nice though, 'cause I feel myself, my good proper core underneath-it-all positive "up" energy starting to well up and wanting to boil over, which'll keep me buoyant. I'll still look for time to spend inside my heart, figuring out what's going on there...and what to do 'bout it.