Poop

[mlerules]

Lots & lotsa food for thought now.

Ya' know how sometimes it seems you can't do ANYTHING right? Well that'd be the past 24 hours for me. I'M SORRY I'M SO LAME! Don't care for my anti-Midas touch. Won't bash myself about the head & neck too much though.

****************

Will spend some time today (and in upcoming daze) digesting input, marinating ideas, ruminating on possibilities/thoughts/feelings, figuring out whassup w/in...and perhaps what I'll do about it, if I even have the option. I can change my attitude if nothing else. Mebbe.

It's odd that I had absolutely NO idea that something would affect me the way it did. Especially since I was feeling DISTINCTLY ambivalent 'bout it anyway. (Ambiv often = of twelve minds, 'tho' this time was the more trad'l conflicting 2: do I or don't I want X - or some other letter/variable over) Guess it mattered after all. What does this MEAN? Dunno.

Not quite sure what the expression "not having a pot to p!ss in" refers to, but I sorta feel like I'm missing (and wanting) my own pot. Oooh. This imagery sux (in a bad way).

Struggling not to give in to the desire (not super-strong right now, but crashing in waves on my psyche...and I think the tide's coming in) to crawl back into bed, curl up in a little ball, and ignore everyone and everything for a while. How much of an ambivert am I? (Stumbled 'pon "ambiversion" this morn: a personality trait showing both introversion & extroversion.)

One of the secrets to not taking everything personally is realizing (and accepting) that the entire world does NOT revolve around me, much as I'd like it to. Sometimes I like playing the role of the fly on the wall. Then sometimes I want that fly to be as big & weighty as a VW bug, blinkers a-flashing & wipers a-slapping.

Back, as is oft the case, to the constellation analogy. Folks circle 'round, 'pending on the season, forming different configurations, w/differing r-ships 'tween 'em...and w/me. Patterns form, then dissolve. Reconstitution. One needs a fairly strong constitution to dance the dance. I sha'n't say "to play the game," 'cause it's an analogy I really don't care for much.

Oh, pish, this is getting to be too maudlinly annoying, so I'm gonna get up and get to it and stop...whatEVERing. It's nice though, 'cause I feel myself, my good proper core underneath-it-all positive "up" energy starting to well up and wanting to boil over, which'll keep me buoyant. I'll still look for time to spend inside my heart, figuring out what's going on there...and what to do 'bout it.

Comments

[daeglan.livejournal.com]

are you trying to leave the rest of us babling and mewling after trying to figure out what you said????

Wats the thursday concert this week? I'll be at the ocean park office in santa monica after 5 tomorrow eve...

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Hey, I'm journaling for MYSELF here. You're free to read along (and read into it what you will), but I can't explain each entry/word/thought...I'm having a hard enough time figuring out what's going on inside me to possibly be able to articulate it to those outside. ;-P

Re: Th July 7: LITTLE JOE Y LA FAMILIA WITH CANNIBAL AND THE HEADHUNTERS
Little Joe & La Familia has been one of the most popular Tex-Mex bands in the music industry. Little Joe has been entertaining for more than 40 years and has also helped pioneer "Tejano" music, a mix of traditional "norteno" music and country, blues and rock styles.

Sounds somewhat interesting to me. Howzabout you? Dunno yet whassup Th eve, though, as I'm leaving Fri morn for dental nastiness behind the Orange Curtain then possibly SLO-Faire (IF there's room to stay up yonder), so I may be a packing beast that night. Feel free to give a shout/buzz/e-mail Th afternoon and I'll have a clearer idear of how stressed I am and whether an eve out would be just the thing to cheer me up or chuck me into a pit.

[daeglan.livejournal.com]

little Joe again... :P I think i'll pass perhaps some firefly?

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Haven't we already finished up all the Fireflys?

[daeglan.livejournal.com]

technically I have finished it 3 or 4 times... but I still enjoy it. :) I haven't watched it in awhile.

AAACCCCKKKK!

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Oh, TOMORROW's Thursday...that'd be July 14: PUTUMAYO PRESENTS MALI: TINARIWEN with Markus James and The Wassonrai. Tinariwen is a Touareg group from the southern Sahara whose music is close to the blues of Ali Farka Toure. The songs of Tinariwen mourn the passing of the epic golden age of the Saharan tribes, while endeavoring to map out a future for the generations who must survive beyond it and live with the modern world. Markus James and The Wassonrai, the musical intersection of the Mali and the Mississippi Delta, opens the show.

I have absolutely NO idea what this'll be like, although I imagine the commentary'll be fairly political. I'm generally up for anything though, so what I said re: o'morrow still holds. Let me know now whether you might be innarested - or whether it's a cup of tea when you far prefer coffee - then give a shout o'morrow to see where I am packing/planning/curling up in a l'il ball-wise.

[stacymckenna.livejournal.com]

not having a pot to p!ss in = poor as dirt

Typically speaking. Totally without resources.

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

D'oh - that makes sense, and is perfectly inappropriate as a descriptor for what I'm feeling.

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

On second thought (after a few seconds reflection), mebbe it works if'n I think of a POT as a particular resource, one which contains/receives things/feelings, somewhere to pour my affections...'cept the imagary of outpourings of the heart versus the bladder still squeeks me...though like N's candle analogy re: polyness, mebbe it works somewhat: regardless of how much one lets loose/pours out, there's always more building up. Now my mind's working on images of scattering seeds to the wind versus hording some seed for a blustery rainy day when I don't wanna go out but instead wanna dip into the resources and see what's in the "for a rainy day" cupboard. Sorry, this makes a little bit of sense in mine own mind but I KNOW I'm not being clear to the outside world (you) here...and I don't have the energy to fix that now.

[stacymckenna.livejournal.com]

no sweat. Your journal, your processing space, we're just here to provide seed crystals for you now and again...

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Seed crystals as well as looking glasses much appreciated.

[daeglan.livejournal.com]

it comes from when people used chamber pots... not having a chamber pot was really really poor.

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Yeah, okay, some bells are ringing in the back of mind 'bout this. And now I'm picturing the card from Guillotine [gamer alert] for Piss Boy (he's holding just such a pot).