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mlerulesOne-and-a-half days after one-and-a-half weeks away. Feeling like I need more decompression now than before. Don't know for sure whether this is so. One reason I blog about this is so I have a record, so I can go back and see whether these feelings are valid (these feelings = whether it takes longer now than before). Yes, I try to keep track of my intuition. Am I binding it? Am I dissecting it to no good effect? Am I not seeing the unicorn for what it really is?
Meanwhile, I'm making a concerted effort to finish some of what I've begun. On the verge of finishing The Last Unicorn. Been rereading lots recently. Literary touchstones mostly. Some of the books that seem to matter the most. I've long/oft used books to escape tedium/boredom, which kills me. Which, in the words of my father, turns the soul gray. His turned gray.
Okay, to return to the qx from that Ask Me Anything meme from a while back. This required serious ruminating. Now some ideas're getting ready to calve...not sure whether they're ready for prime time, but coming out anyway:
Some of My Regrets:
Categories may have to suffice, b'c brevity may be the soul of wit, but I'm after wisdom, and my Brand O' Wisdom(tm) ain't known for its brevity. Hey, I used lj cut. It's your own damn fault if'n you play along. ;-P
1. My Father. Not knowing my father better. Missing out on the charming brilliant man he was. Wondering why he let his soul gray. Sounds like he knew 'twas happening, but couldn't find his way out. Freaking depressing! Freaking depression.
2. Not visiting Alexandria. Near the top of the list of books that've touched me deeply: Laurence Durrell's Alexandria Quartet. Just thinking about when I was turned onto this (middle of law school- although I didn't read it 'til afterwards), and by whom, and what else was going on in my life back then...when I started watering my own soul after a long-@ss spell in the doldrums. *note to self: try again to reread The Phantom Tollbooth - it just might be Time* Anyway, I'd scheduled it in as an option (a much desired option) for the end of our three (3) weeks in Egypt. It was gonna be one of the very few tours I go on, preferring generally to wander around on my own. Well, long story short, my energy level was higher than my compatriot's and logistically it could've been tricky (as in we might've missed our flight back which would've been Bad). Still, to miss out on walking the streets, smelling the smells, seeing the sights, THIS I regret. And I don't know if'n I'll ever be back. Okay, time to check up on the sitch again. Most Dangerous Places and CIA World Factbook. To paraphrase (a nicer word than "rip off" or plagiarize ;-) E.B. White in 1949: The best way for people to get both/all sides of a controversial subject is to read several books on the subject, not one. In other words, education/teaching should strive for a well-balanced library, not a well-balanced book. So it goes.
3. Not Having Kids. 'Nuff said on this issue. In fact, I don't even wanna call it a Regret. That gives it too much power over me. Not gonna worry about it. Accepted fact. Bittersweetness of what wasn't to be balances with Joy of What Is. And I'm at peace once again.
A Declaration: I hereby anoint this year and make this wish: To Be At Peace As Much As Possible. To BAPAMAP. And so 'tis so. *sigh* Muted cheers...background kazoo noises...calming, soothing noise.
It doesn't matter if'n it takes longer, so long as I have the luxury of bandwidth (time/energy/resources) to take it. Recharging in PJs on the couch in the sunlight now. Will increase the storage capacity and charge by walkies outside later on. Day in, day out, getting out is good.
Meanwhile, I'm making a concerted effort to finish some of what I've begun. On the verge of finishing The Last Unicorn. Been rereading lots recently. Literary touchstones mostly. Some of the books that seem to matter the most. I've long/oft used books to escape tedium/boredom, which kills me. Which, in the words of my father, turns the soul gray. His turned gray.
Okay, to return to the qx from that Ask Me Anything meme from a while back. This required serious ruminating. Now some ideas're getting ready to calve...not sure whether they're ready for prime time, but coming out anyway:
Some of My Regrets:
Categories may have to suffice, b'c brevity may be the soul of wit, but I'm after wisdom, and my Brand O' Wisdom(tm) ain't known for its brevity. Hey, I used lj cut. It's your own damn fault if'n you play along. ;-P
1. My Father. Not knowing my father better. Missing out on the charming brilliant man he was. Wondering why he let his soul gray. Sounds like he knew 'twas happening, but couldn't find his way out. Freaking depressing! Freaking depression.
2. Not visiting Alexandria. Near the top of the list of books that've touched me deeply: Laurence Durrell's Alexandria Quartet. Just thinking about when I was turned onto this (middle of law school- although I didn't read it 'til afterwards), and by whom, and what else was going on in my life back then...when I started watering my own soul after a long-@ss spell in the doldrums. *note to self: try again to reread The Phantom Tollbooth - it just might be Time* Anyway, I'd scheduled it in as an option (a much desired option) for the end of our three (3) weeks in Egypt. It was gonna be one of the very few tours I go on, preferring generally to wander around on my own. Well, long story short, my energy level was higher than my compatriot's and logistically it could've been tricky (as in we might've missed our flight back which would've been Bad). Still, to miss out on walking the streets, smelling the smells, seeing the sights, THIS I regret. And I don't know if'n I'll ever be back. Okay, time to check up on the sitch again. Most Dangerous Places and CIA World Factbook. To paraphrase (a nicer word than "rip off" or plagiarize ;-) E.B. White in 1949: The best way for people to get both/all sides of a controversial subject is to read several books on the subject, not one. In other words, education/teaching should strive for a well-balanced library, not a well-balanced book. So it goes.
3. Not Having Kids. 'Nuff said on this issue. In fact, I don't even wanna call it a Regret. That gives it too much power over me. Not gonna worry about it. Accepted fact. Bittersweetness of what wasn't to be balances with Joy of What Is. And I'm at peace once again.
A Declaration: I hereby anoint this year and make this wish: To Be At Peace As Much As Possible. To BAPAMAP. And so 'tis so. *sigh* Muted cheers...background kazoo noises...calming, soothing noise.
It doesn't matter if'n it takes longer, so long as I have the luxury of bandwidth (time/energy/resources) to take it. Recharging in PJs on the couch in the sunlight now. Will increase the storage capacity and charge by walkies outside later on. Day in, day out, getting out is good.
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no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 08:27 pm (UTC)I've also never read The Phantom Tollbooth; I would love to read it together if you have interest. *batting eyes*
You're also welcome to share our kids; they already dig you. ;o)
Jammies here too, though I may be inspired toward walkies now, since you're right, getting out is good. :o)
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 08:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 08:31 pm (UTC)we were just talking about Egypt yesterday.
Seems a big regret is never being off this continent and having kids in our early twenties, guaranteeing we never had big adventure.
ah regrets. life is a choo choo track. I am used to regrets - regrets almost make it spicy ya know?
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 08:49 pm (UTC)As for Big Adventure, heck, having kids is one of the Biggest Adventures ever! Really, truly.
And I find life far more like a roller coaster...
no subject
Date: 2009-04-15 11:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 12:31 am (UTC)We could make a club.
You know, chant "BAP-A-MAP" over and over, and make people wonder what the heck kind of cult THIS is, that lets us hang out watching the birds and do nothing even tho there's SHIT GOING ON in the world (insert muppet like panic with them waving arms in air here)...
BAPAMAP
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 01:40 am (UTC)Welcome!
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 01:13 am (UTC)Hmmm. Well since I'm all for "grabbing the brass ring" here are some thoughts:
A) you can always research your dad. Use your extensive knowledge of books and documents to get you started. Then go to his home town, see his schools, try to find someone (friends, family, enemies) and get them to tell you about him. If there was anyone who could handle this journey, it would be you : )
B) Fuck the CIA. You're a strong, intelligent woman with resources few people posses. You could still walk the streets of Alexandria.
C) Borrow someones kid. Take them to the park, buy them ice cream and most importantly listen to them. In one afternoon you can pass on your energy, your stories and your essence. It can happen while reading a book to them or a game of hide and seek.
P.S. If you do get to Egypt can you bring back a tiny vile of it's sand for me?
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 01:44 am (UTC)Actually, when my dad died, I took the opportunity to ask others who'd known him back when to tell me stories...and I treasure these. Recently my mom's been filling me in s'more, too. It's not the same as face-to-face, but it is nice.
Heh. Mebbe I shall. And if'n I do, I most certainly will bring back a small vial of sand for you.
Oh, this is easiest of all. It's why it's scarcely a regret. I've got nieces and nephews and kids w/friends galore (some quite newly hatched), so I do gets me some good kid-time.
Huzzah for grabbing the brass ring. What brass rings have you grabbed for recently, dear one?
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 07:04 am (UTC)I'm in on the BAPAMAP club, as long as there are no book reports.
no subject
Date: 2009-04-16 02:48 pm (UTC)Hee!
*******
Oh, and thx for asking 'bout the regrets. I appreciate good brain fodder/exercises. And it's nice to know people care to know some 'bout the whole me, not just the shiny bits. :-)
no subject
Date: 2009-04-22 09:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-12-09 11:52 am (UTC)Lots of love as always, you're one of those people that make me smile.
no subject
Date: 2011-12-09 05:33 pm (UTC)