On Self-Awareness...and the Workings of the MLE-Mind

[mlerules]

Riffing off something stacymckenna posted 'bout self-awareness and stupid mistakes repeated too often: achieving/reaching self-awareness after the fact (20/20 hindsight) is all very well and good, but I strive for self-awareness BEFOREHAND, so I can look at what's going on and coming up and try to make decisions based on whatEVER w/awareness rather than just allowing myself to make excuses later on down the line.

This next topic will be coursing through my mind and in fairly heavy LJ-rotation for the course of the next however long, at least six (6) months: Living Situations. And, as is my wont, I'll be speaking my piece and mulling over possibilities and examining the past and envisioning possible futures and coming up with and hopefully working through problems/issues and reaching conclusions based ideally on reality rather than merely desire, on facts and experiences and possiblities - yes, and feelings based on all of this - more than just b'c of unexamined and/or unacknowledged ego/id/fear.

Sidenote: 'twas pouring down rain earlier, and now it's sunny out...feels so goooood to have Spring budding and about to bloom. Winter in the PacNW wasn't nearly as harsh, grey, gloomy, wet, cold, or depressing as I'd feared.

Quickies as starting points, 'cause I must heed the call of the W/D soon:

Previous moves have oft-times been forced by economic necessity more than desire. Even moving here (PacNW) a year back was, although something I'd been thinking about and leaning towards, was ultimately moved along by the landlord's decision to sell the place (w/resulting higher rent than I'm now paying in PDX in my near future), although I was just about there anyway, it just tipped the balance as to WHEN (their moving truck came the day after mine did - timing was ideal, really).

I'd visited the place (PacNW in general and PDX in particular) quite a few times over the course of a year (or more) before moving here, researching the general area and ultimately landing in a great place where I wanted to live. And love it here, I do. Even as my heart - and a mess of social connections - keep pulling me Northward (and have, ever since I landed...even before...and even more so now - but I'm trying not to let that push/pull/sway me too much, hence a big part of taking lots of time to marinate on stuff 'n' things). It was my choice to move here and I'm quite pleased w/this choice.

Sidenote #2: It's dawned on me that I'm now going through a very similar process (processing info, weighing possibilities, trying to decide what to do) to what I went through when deciding whether (when realizing that) my marriage was over and deciding how to deal with that fact, 'cept rather than being miserable and wondering which of two horrid choices to take (Should I Stay Or Should I Go), I'm in the delightful position of doing what I want b'c I want to do it, not b'c I'm miserable but b'c I want to optimize my happiness and pleasure (and much much more, but those contrast nicely w/the previous situation so I'll leave it at that for now).

Anyway, that segues well into the backstory/realization that that move (series of moves - living in 5 places in 5 months) ultimately found me moving in w/my last serious monogamous b-friend (we lived together in Sta Monica for over four (4) years) 'til he moved out - I stayed for another eight (8) years on my own (well, delerium3 ended up there much of the time for the final couple of years, too). But the upshot of all this is that I moved/ended up in that living situation out of economic necessity.

Before that I'd moved in w/my boyfriend (who ultimately became my hubbie) out of econ nec as well.

This time 'round, econ nec is NOT a big factor in any decisions vis-a-vis living situations. I think this matters quite a bit. Or mebbe I'm fooling myself a bit. As it is, I cannot buy a house w/out getting a job or going in on a place w/someone else, neither of which really appeal at all. Okay...will return to this - and more - later...

Must go get on w/getting on...adventures're about to commence and I really must pack! Snow, here I come!

Comments

[lunaticbubbles.livejournal.com]

Funny readin' this, one being because I've been thinking about moving and two just cause I like getting glimpses inside people's heads. Mmm.. Brains...

OT: I don't think I've told you before, but I really enjoy readin' your writing style. It's fun. /random

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Yeah, some of the stuff you've written 'bout recently has helped moved me thinking 'long these lines again, too. Glad you like wandering 'round the brain-maze...yeah, random sums it up pretty well. ;-)

Best wishes in figuring out what you're working on...