Outside Myself

[mlerules]

So I'm feeling something I'm not...pleased/happy/proud of/with...but rather than either spiral into it or run screaming from it or worry about it horrendously, I'm stepping back a moment and kicking (back) into analysis mode, 'cause this does seem to work better when confronted w/an emotional set I'm displeased with rather than giving in to it wholehearedly...later may try to see whether this is wise/good...for now I'd rather be dispassionate than passionately un-whatEVER. The "un-" refers to negatively emotionally charged, although I guess there's an argument for - damn this can be hard/tricky/difficult - feeling the feeling w/out judging it as bad/negative. So that's what I'm shooting for now, aiming for, hopefully not falling horribly far from the mark:

I'm feeling certain feelings which I normally call Q, which I don't generally like. Mebbe rather than immediately try to stop 'em, to subsume 'em, to worry 'bout 'em, mebbe I should not label 'em as such (as Q) but instead look at what they're telling me. What's triggered 'em? Okay, I think I have a handle on the trigger (WHAT), but not so much on the WHY...or whether the why's a necessary pathway to take. Can it be routed elsewhere? Can I learn something from this and figure out another way of dealing with whatever issues are arising? Yeah yeah, I noted above/below/earlier this eve that I shouldn't think too much when exhausted. So instead I'm acknowledging how I'm feeling (Q) and o'morrow will work on some processing...hell, truth be told I'm likely to be up for some time on & off going over things & stuff tonight...hoping for productivity rather than spinning though. Sigh. Several steps forward followed by several steps minus 1 back. Still, progress in the right direction... And rather than bash myself for backsliding, I'm being more realistic and realizing that it ain't all gonna be magically better and right at once. Baby steps applies to this...as to so many things these daze (and always).

More to come: musings on how masks can afix semi-permanently...for better or worse...

Comments

[ladyegreen.livejournal.com]

*waits to see how this turns out and to read the musings to come*

[sidhefire.livejournal.com]

hmmmm.... would be interested to see how/what this works out as... if'n you're sharing...

Me too!

[geoffcain.livejournal.com]

Re: Me too!

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

slap! ;-)

Re: Me too!

[redefining-self.livejournal.com]

OK, I'll say it here for clarity -

Carbonated beverages through the nose hurt enough as it is. Adding insult to injury by having to clean it off the computer is just spiteful.


Nicely done. :)

Re: Me too!

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Yeah, Geoff's real Special. ;-)

[anansi133.livejournal.com]

It's all just brain chemicals. Once the flood subsides, you'll still be you, just with more memories than before.

The ride can be enjoyable, and it can be hell. But it's not forever.

thoughts and tools.:)

[ulesegisa.livejournal.com]

Three things more than the rest lower your "will" more than any other:

lack of sleep,
lack of protein,
Alcohol.

Keeping emotions from toppling over into the drama zone is more difficult when any one or more of those things are present in one's life. Its one of the guidelines we use here at clan_sidhefire to keep the drama out of the house. Do we always make it? no. However participating in not processing emotions when in one of those states helps to elevate both drama and rumination which usually leads to drama (even if its only present to the self.).

tools to keep cool with ..:)
Indigo

Re: thoughts and tools.:)

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I KNEW I was low on sleep when the feeling kicked in so luckily didn't let 'em get outta control. And am feeling SO much better now...

Re: thoughts and tools.:)

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Thx for thoughts/tips/tools!