"Newlyweds"

[mlerules]

What an odd term, "newlywed." (I remember watching "The Newlywed Game" way back when and thinking at the time how incredibly odd the show was.) It feels, TMM, so loaded with unacknowledged (perhaps not necessarily shared) assumptions about naiveté, and about what's supposed to matter to folks newly wed, and what it means - or should mean - to start a new life together. Particularly odd when applied to situations where the couple's older, perhaps it's not the first marriage for one or both of them, and it could be that the couple's lived together for quite some time, perhaps even bought a house together. What does "newlywed" even mean in this situation? Perhaps simply newly wed, without baggage from the term.

Growing up, the "known wisdom" held that getting married could change expectations such that the resulting rship soured b'c of unexplored, unconsidered, perhaps unconscious non-agreed-upon/consensual expectations of what roles the respective spouses would henceforth play, regardless of how things'd been before the act of getting married. (Not in mine, mind you; not my circus, nor my monkeys.)

This all makes the concept of intentional relationships with goals of on-going communication so appealing. It's possible, although hard work, and not all folks seem to realize - or do - this. Worth it, though, when it works. [Side note - will return to this later - rships that aren't discussed (b'c they don't need to be).]

It's been quite the weekend. Plans shifted at the very last minute. Just saw photos from a small wedding up in Puget Sound. My words led the ceremony, although I only appeared in spirit. Feels good taking part, even if only virtually/by proxy. Thinking they're newlyweds in name only, without shifted expectations/assumptions. Feeling fairly confident that it'll work out well.

I miss LJ.

Comments

[garyomaha]

Not to ruin the spirit of your message, but you mentioned "The Newlywed Game" and my mind immediately went to the foolish TV-game-ness of it, to Bob Eubanks, and to the "washer and dryer especially for YOU! aspect. I recognize the seriousness and importance of your message and thought about my own relationship. It's just that TNG (Newlywed Game, not Next Generation) is so easy to make fun of.

[mlerules]

Oh, no worries. You're absolutely write about the foolishness of TNG. Furthermore, I laughed aloud at your use of "TNG" here, and needed to start the day w/a good giggle. Thank you.