Rocks & Hard Places
Nov. 22nd, 2010 10:17 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mlerulesThoughts. Not all pleasant.
Once upon a time I had what I called a 90-10 r-ship, where I listened while t'other person talked 90% of the time, barely getting a word in edgewise mebbe 10% of the time. Well, I do listen well, and some folks really need that. (I think we all need it, but some don't get nearly enough of it.) Mutuality wasn't really there.
Mutuality's something I treasure. I like two-way streets (or multiple intersections - but that takes the analogy too many other places for now): give & take.
Sometimes I feel as if my primary role/function is that of Social Lubricator. Even when in Instigator mode, what's often going on is that I'm making things happen, stirring things up, setting something in motion. Yet sometimes I'm not swept up in it, but instead stay stuck on an island where others've visited then run off to follow the circus I've started down a path, leaving me to wait for the next cruise ship to stop for a visit.
I feel lonely. (Yeah yeah - I know this is only right now, but now's where I'm at - it's why it's called NOW ;-) It's as if Fargo's shedding of his mortal coil has left a gap...and produced a big shift in my life...sorta like an earthquake leaving behind a pit. (I've fallen and'm wallowing some now in this pit o' self-despair or something else sticky.) Dunno whether to fill it up, or let it be. Or put flowers on't. Showing honor and respect for a dear beloved kittenhead. And a renewed appreciation for the fact that Nothing Lasts Forever.
The fact that others I know and care about have lost people in their lives recently - brothers, grandmothers, sons, friends, lovers - makes this all that much more poignant. I'm torn 'tween feeling like I'm wasting time and...something else.
I need a hug. But not a virtual one. A real-life one. And I've arranged my life recently so that I don't get 'em nearly as often as I used to. Why? Is it right? Is it what I want? Is it what I need?
Crucial Conversations talks about the importance of keeping in mind what it is you really want when you engage in discussion/conversation. (Also important when you act/do stuff 'n' things.) Drifting w/out really taking note or paying attention's quite possible. And when thing're good - or even just okay - this can work fine. And mebbe that's good enough.
Mebbe ambition's not required. Mebbe satisfaction and contentment's sufficient. What about being ambitious about being/finding/maintaining satisfaction and contentment? Feeling stupid now.
Gonna get going soon. Got Pixie walkies at Noon and a list of ToDo's to finish up prep for this Thanksgiving Toad Rip to the Bay Area...and then to Do It!
Once upon a time I had what I called a 90-10 r-ship, where I listened while t'other person talked 90% of the time, barely getting a word in edgewise mebbe 10% of the time. Well, I do listen well, and some folks really need that. (I think we all need it, but some don't get nearly enough of it.) Mutuality wasn't really there.
Mutuality's something I treasure. I like two-way streets (or multiple intersections - but that takes the analogy too many other places for now): give & take.
Sometimes I feel as if my primary role/function is that of Social Lubricator. Even when in Instigator mode, what's often going on is that I'm making things happen, stirring things up, setting something in motion. Yet sometimes I'm not swept up in it, but instead stay stuck on an island where others've visited then run off to follow the circus I've started down a path, leaving me to wait for the next cruise ship to stop for a visit.
I feel lonely. (Yeah yeah - I know this is only right now, but now's where I'm at - it's why it's called NOW ;-) It's as if Fargo's shedding of his mortal coil has left a gap...and produced a big shift in my life...sorta like an earthquake leaving behind a pit. (I've fallen and'm wallowing some now in this pit o' self-despair or something else sticky.) Dunno whether to fill it up, or let it be. Or put flowers on't. Showing honor and respect for a dear beloved kittenhead. And a renewed appreciation for the fact that Nothing Lasts Forever.
The fact that others I know and care about have lost people in their lives recently - brothers, grandmothers, sons, friends, lovers - makes this all that much more poignant. I'm torn 'tween feeling like I'm wasting time and...something else.
I need a hug. But not a virtual one. A real-life one. And I've arranged my life recently so that I don't get 'em nearly as often as I used to. Why? Is it right? Is it what I want? Is it what I need?
Crucial Conversations talks about the importance of keeping in mind what it is you really want when you engage in discussion/conversation. (Also important when you act/do stuff 'n' things.) Drifting w/out really taking note or paying attention's quite possible. And when thing're good - or even just okay - this can work fine. And mebbe that's good enough.
Mebbe ambition's not required. Mebbe satisfaction and contentment's sufficient. What about being ambitious about being/finding/maintaining satisfaction and contentment? Feeling stupid now.
Gonna get going soon. Got Pixie walkies at Noon and a list of ToDo's to finish up prep for this Thanksgiving Toad Rip to the Bay Area...and then to Do It!
