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mlerulesTrauma: an impactful event, often a trigger, a pivotal moment, a formative instance, something that happens that sets the internal groundwork and framing for so much more later on, puts patterns put in place, forms attitudes, creates triggers and red buttons. When later we’re trying to figure out how to deal with and/or fix things we don’t like about ourselves and/or how we handle (or don’t) certain matters, it can be helpful to locate and identify the initial trauma, as well as the patterns/buttons/etc. created.
Once you've found the patterns you'd rather change, however, it’s not clear how to work through and make desired changes. I can’t help but wonder whether a new series of events (new trauma?) needs to occur to change these triggers/behavioral patterns. Certainly practice is required. Repeated reassurance can help - and is prolly necessary. But if it's been years (decades even) over which the patterns have played out, how long does it take to create and solidify new patterns?
Can a single new event occur to shift the well-worn paths and rechannel the ruts? Seems as if that's at least part of what's going on during an intervention: major reshifting of one's internal whatsits. Is this bad or good? Does the end justify the means? Major traumatic upheaval seems harmful, in part b'c who really knows what all is going on inside. It seems potentially bad if'n it involves misuse/abuse of trust, if all who you really care about (those often at an intervention) get together to try to change you/make you see things "right"/take control of your life, even if it is "for your own good." So much needs to come from inside. Support from without helps tremendously, but the changes ultimately must be internal.
Do we have internal Reset buttons? Sometimes one single person can reset things for the better. I've been lucky along such lines. There've been one or two folks who I've held in hugely high regard who loved me madly and unreservedly and who changed how I saw and felt about myself. I'm now much more stable and have much higher self-esteem that even when I lapse into the well-worn ruts of am I worthy blah blah farking blah, I snap out of it fairly easily and quickly. It also helps that these folks aren't so much a huge part of my everyday life anymore, so I haven't gotten reliant on 'em, but have had to deal w/stuff on my own. Just knowing they're there if'n I were to call/reach out makes me less needful of calling and reaching out. We all need to find and recognize those people who hit our internal reset buttons so we can find 'em and push 'em ourselves. Hmm, perhaps it's good 'nuff to find those who hit our internal pleasure buttons...momentary bliss and transcendedness can carry over into everyday life...appreciation of the small things matters much.
One advantage of having a large number of friendship networks is that it means I can't (unless I really tried hard or did something majorly stoopid) alienate everyone at the same time. If major drama flares up in one constellation, I shift myself out 'til it dies back (being available as needed but staying out the thick of it as much as possible). Drama can lead to trauma.
Once you've found the patterns you'd rather change, however, it’s not clear how to work through and make desired changes. I can’t help but wonder whether a new series of events (new trauma?) needs to occur to change these triggers/behavioral patterns. Certainly practice is required. Repeated reassurance can help - and is prolly necessary. But if it's been years (decades even) over which the patterns have played out, how long does it take to create and solidify new patterns?
Can a single new event occur to shift the well-worn paths and rechannel the ruts? Seems as if that's at least part of what's going on during an intervention: major reshifting of one's internal whatsits. Is this bad or good? Does the end justify the means? Major traumatic upheaval seems harmful, in part b'c who really knows what all is going on inside. It seems potentially bad if'n it involves misuse/abuse of trust, if all who you really care about (those often at an intervention) get together to try to change you/make you see things "right"/take control of your life, even if it is "for your own good." So much needs to come from inside. Support from without helps tremendously, but the changes ultimately must be internal.
Do we have internal Reset buttons? Sometimes one single person can reset things for the better. I've been lucky along such lines. There've been one or two folks who I've held in hugely high regard who loved me madly and unreservedly and who changed how I saw and felt about myself. I'm now much more stable and have much higher self-esteem that even when I lapse into the well-worn ruts of am I worthy blah blah farking blah, I snap out of it fairly easily and quickly. It also helps that these folks aren't so much a huge part of my everyday life anymore, so I haven't gotten reliant on 'em, but have had to deal w/stuff on my own. Just knowing they're there if'n I were to call/reach out makes me less needful of calling and reaching out. We all need to find and recognize those people who hit our internal reset buttons so we can find 'em and push 'em ourselves. Hmm, perhaps it's good 'nuff to find those who hit our internal pleasure buttons...momentary bliss and transcendedness can carry over into everyday life...appreciation of the small things matters much.
One advantage of having a large number of friendship networks is that it means I can't (unless I really tried hard or did something majorly stoopid) alienate everyone at the same time. If major drama flares up in one constellation, I shift myself out 'til it dies back (being available as needed but staying out the thick of it as much as possible). Drama can lead to trauma.
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 05:52 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 05:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 05:53 pm (UTC)Reactions to events and emotions are whole body events. not just in the mind.
no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 06:17 pm (UTC)Very good point! Perhaps associating more positive sensory feelings w/typically emotionally-bad moments can help lessen the connections and help forge new positive pathways. I've had some luck shifting emotionally intense feelings from con to pro, 'tho' I can't easily articulate how I've managed to do it.
Thx for the link to NET, too - I was gonna ask for one but you beat me to it!
no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 06:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-04 06:28 pm (UTC)