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mlerulesOr a slap to the face. I'm doing it to myself now that it's dawned on me that I need it. Um, only being metaphorical here, mind you. ;-)
Vowing to move forward now and NOT dwell/stay mired/LOOP. Forward, ho!
Damn. There's something stuck in my mental craw, like a bit of turkey-leg from Faire stuck in a back tooth - and I'm having a Dickens of a time unloosing it. Heh, guess I need mental floss. Actually, journaling 'bout it helps. In/by the process of processing, it gets processed. Hmm, eating (overly) processed food's bad for the body. Hacking at something for too long (dwelling/looping) is not so good for the psyche/soul either. Spinning's not good, but working through is useful. Not sure how to tell when wheels're stuck in mire vs. making forward progress (baby steps become <.1 miles or better yet RPMs).
Feeling like I'm (re)gaining traction now, as if I'm starting to move forward again, perhaps after a longer stint in the mud than I'd even realized.
Okay, here's the bit of ICK I keep returning to: I want to learn from my mistakes, to avoid repeating/repeated patterns, not to repeat the same mistakes again 'n' again...okay, the gist is this: I want to live healthily. (Talking mental/emotion here mainly, but it's all tied up together w/the physical, too.)
An aside: it's simply lovely right here, looking out at the trees blowing in the wind, at the bird-covered Maypole birdfeeder repurposed so cleverly and wonderfully by the skill & effort of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
lightfoote and wildwoosi. Wow - almost as if in response to my sudden upsurge/upwelling of happiness in my soul, the clouds parted and the sunlight shone golden for a moment.
Wow. I want to put some of the sh!t that's been coursing through my veins to bed: shovel it out, heck, COMPOST it my soul/psyche...layering the brown w/the green.
Here 'tis: I hereby let it go (later on to be burned at Woomancipation - resentment/regret(s) and hanging onto 'em) while (and this is VITAL to reach in and tease out the remaining sliver that's tearing me up inside): TRUST MY INSTINCT TO NOT LET ME MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE(S) AGAIN...TO LET ME KNOW SOMETHING'S UP IF I START DOWN PATHS I DON'T WANNA GO DOWN BECAUSE THAT WAY LIES SADNESS/MADNESS/UNHEALTHINESS. And when I start feeling like something's up/going on, I'll tease it out.
Looking and moving forward now. Re-reading The Possible R-ship helped lots. Gonna try really hard to let go my eg(g;-)o, to listen without judgment and share without editing, to let go of masks and armor and baggage and protective games, to work issues from the standpoint if a creative re-perception of the "problem" so that the solution can become evident, such as by asking these questions:
What am I not seeing that makes this look like a problem?
From the perspective of love, what does this look like?
What is the most skillful way to work with these circumstances so that it turns out perfectly (or at least well) for everyone concerned?
What would it take from me for this complaint to evaporate?
How can I provide what I think is missing instead of demanding it?
Phew! And now to keep working on DOING this... I Can and Will Do This!
One thing that'll help: being more clear TO MYSELF and to others of my expectations re: time-lines. Also: reducing expectations, focusing on hopes. Encourage rather than nag. Heck: step the f@k back/away and let what will be, BE. Focus instead on what I want/need and how to get it (while keeping those important to me in my life as well): getting and staying active locally.
What's possible is more of the special times than the everyday, at least for now.
Vowing to move forward now and NOT dwell/stay mired/LOOP. Forward, ho!
Damn. There's something stuck in my mental craw, like a bit of turkey-leg from Faire stuck in a back tooth - and I'm having a Dickens of a time unloosing it. Heh, guess I need mental floss. Actually, journaling 'bout it helps. In/by the process of processing, it gets processed. Hmm, eating (overly) processed food's bad for the body. Hacking at something for too long (dwelling/looping) is not so good for the psyche/soul either. Spinning's not good, but working through is useful. Not sure how to tell when wheels're stuck in mire vs. making forward progress (baby steps become <.1 miles or better yet RPMs).
Feeling like I'm (re)gaining traction now, as if I'm starting to move forward again, perhaps after a longer stint in the mud than I'd even realized.
Okay, here's the bit of ICK I keep returning to: I want to learn from my mistakes, to avoid repeating/repeated patterns, not to repeat the same mistakes again 'n' again...okay, the gist is this: I want to live healthily. (Talking mental/emotion here mainly, but it's all tied up together w/the physical, too.)
An aside: it's simply lovely right here, looking out at the trees blowing in the wind, at the bird-covered Maypole birdfeeder repurposed so cleverly and wonderfully by the skill & effort of
lightfoote and wildwoosi. Wow - almost as if in response to my sudden upsurge/upwelling of happiness in my soul, the clouds parted and the sunlight shone golden for a moment.Wow. I want to put some of the sh!t that's been coursing through my veins to bed: shovel it out, heck, COMPOST it my soul/psyche...layering the brown w/the green.
Here 'tis: I hereby let it go (later on to be burned at Woomancipation - resentment/regret(s) and hanging onto 'em) while (and this is VITAL to reach in and tease out the remaining sliver that's tearing me up inside): TRUST MY INSTINCT TO NOT LET ME MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE(S) AGAIN...TO LET ME KNOW SOMETHING'S UP IF I START DOWN PATHS I DON'T WANNA GO DOWN BECAUSE THAT WAY LIES SADNESS/MADNESS/UNHEALTHINESS. And when I start feeling like something's up/going on, I'll tease it out.
Looking and moving forward now. Re-reading The Possible R-ship helped lots. Gonna try really hard to let go my eg(g;-)o, to listen without judgment and share without editing, to let go of masks and armor and baggage and protective games, to work issues from the standpoint if a creative re-perception of the "problem" so that the solution can become evident, such as by asking these questions:
What am I not seeing that makes this look like a problem?
From the perspective of love, what does this look like?
What is the most skillful way to work with these circumstances so that it turns out perfectly (or at least well) for everyone concerned?
What would it take from me for this complaint to evaporate?
How can I provide what I think is missing instead of demanding it?
Phew! And now to keep working on DOING this... I Can and Will Do This!
One thing that'll help: being more clear TO MYSELF and to others of my expectations re: time-lines. Also: reducing expectations, focusing on hopes. Encourage rather than nag. Heck: step the f@k back/away and let what will be, BE. Focus instead on what I want/need and how to get it (while keeping those important to me in my life as well): getting and staying active locally.
What's possible is more of the special times than the everyday, at least for now.
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no subject
Date: 2010-05-20 07:48 pm (UTC)From the perspective of love, what does this look like?
What is the most skillful way to work with these circumstances so that it turns out perfectly (or at least well) for everyone concerned?
What would it take from me for this complaint to evaporate?
How can I provide what I think is missing instead of demanding it?
Those are good questions to keep in mind. Much luck getting the remaining slivers removed. *hugs*