Attune or Attenuate / Cratering

[mlerules]

Not sure if'n these're balanced in opposition to each other, or, perhaps, if'n their r-ship is more akin to Cause & Effect (chickens & eggies though, as to which is which).

Feeling a mini-epiphany welling up, 'cept it's almost like a zit or a fart or some other sorta more unpleasant spasm compared to what I prefer, such as a fizzy bubble from champagne.

Hmm, mebbe thought, the better filter to adopt is this: it's a birth, not easy, not painless, but incredibly rewarding and enriching. IT = this thought swarm that's getting ready to buzz about; a realization w/far-reaching impact. Heh, sounds pretty narcissistic of me to think this. It's big to me. It may nudge others to think more/differently. Or not. No matter. No worries.

Exploring memories. Grounding. Remembering. Appreciating.

I sometimes feel as if I must justify my existence to others, that what I "do" is "who I am." It's tricky, b'c it's hard to describe/explain. There's not a clear label available. Well, none I care to apply, anyway. ;-P

Enough for now. Avenues await my exploration and attention. I must attune to the day and its delights: clear & sunny (not expected to continue, so wanna grab it now, while I can).

SO glad I'm pretty much done w/feeling sick. It was driving me stir-crazy! Now though, now I'm more attuned to the desire for BAPAMAP and to what it takes to satisfy this craving, to scratch this itch. Adoration, admiration, attention, appreciation, affection. Mutuality of desire...of both willingness and ability (or propensity for & interest in learning) to give and receive. Sharing Intimacies.

And yet...and yet being strong enough to share w/out need for something in return. Desire yes, need no. Re-remembering things about this now. Good to remind myself now and again. Not gonna bash myself on the head for not though. THIS is a shift for the better. Rather than berate myself for farking up (again), for not learning my lessons properly (ouch!), I give myself permission to make mistakes, part of accepting myself for who I am, while also aiming to do better, to not fall down so often/much/frequently. Dunno if'n the intensity's decreased or what. Ditto frequency. It's a chunk of why I journal lots, to track whassup w/me, to see if'n I'm meeting my stated goals. Heh. Yup, it's the end of the year in review. Hmm, time to make the annual end-of-the-year compilation (and burn it to CD).

*fears keeping up w/the times/Jones...*

Comments

[evilgerbil.livejournal.com]

Oh, those Joneses, how I hate them!

[vismaya-viewer.livejournal.com]

You can hang back with me, as I don't feel the need to keep up with the times or the Jones', while also understanding that what we do is not necessarily who we are. ;o)

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

You can hang back with me

Ah, and I do... :-)