Realization re: Importance of Companionship & Other Stuff

[mlerules]

Duties. Honors. Obligations. Commitments. Desire(s). Concomitant friends. Wandering away and returning. Again and again. It's not a rut. It's a groove. This pleases me. Peacefulness. BAPAMAP. I quite like yard work. It marks time. :-)

Declarations of Independence.

It really struck me, teaching fifth graders (10/11-year olds) about U.S. History a few years ago back, when I realized we now teach about our War of Independence (from that evil King George) rather than about our Revolutionary War (how I was taught it way back when). Revolutionaries seem to have a bad rep these days. That's, however, exactly how we got to where we are now. Yes. The peasants are revolting. Sorry. I couldn't help myself. It's MY journal, after all. ;-P

My mind's circling, spiraling, labyrinth-ing. There shall be no forced orbits. I prefer folks acting out of emotional (&c.?) desire rather than need.

Thought Bubbles of Epic Proportion. Enjoying listening to really good music. Want more theater in my life. Hmm. I've never done theater, never acted, never taken on a role. Okay. Not so. Years of Orccon/Strategicon/whassitcon attendance netted me some experience putting my imagination to good use. Not quite sure where I'm having that need satisfied these days.

Okay, you actor types, you folks who like to spend time in front of an audience, what's it all about, ALFIE? Why do you do it? What's the rush feel like? The thought scares the living bejesus outta me. StageFright. Somehow it's easier if'n it's REAL(tm). But mebbe this is just silly. (Or worse.)

Now and again I do consider teaching. Guess I won't know if'n I'm cut out for it until I try. It won't matter if'n it's not for me (read: if I fail), at least I tried. Wow. Pretty serious Fear o' Failure's accompanying this thought. Sucks big time. Fark it ain't easy always gaining control of my self-esteem. It's slipped the clutch, disengaged from gears, fallen off the wagon, gotten lost. I shan't orphan myself though. I shan't slip away. Heh. Not very likely, actually. Too many people I like/love out there.

Today's a good day. It's a much-needed day of peace. Realizing I must balance my need for companionship w/my need for being out on my own. Unadulterated time desired. This could go/be taken oh-so-many ways. ;-)

Gawd it's nice living life freely and openly. Safely always. Slowly at times. Realizing I must proceed slowly. Hmm. This fits my earlier pulled Rune of the Day: Ehwaz (reversed). I've been feeling this w/out even realizing it. Now I do. Heh. Perhaps 'twas enough to strive & even achieve a big chunk of satisfying BAPAMAP'ing, yet still I analyzed the crap outta it, successfully - and now I feel that much better for it. Sorry, Mick, I can - and do - get satisfaction.

And now I'm off for more: outside again. *kicks up heels*

Comments

[princekermit.livejournal.com]

Only part I can answer:

Okay, you actor types, you folks who like to spend time in front of an audience, what's it all about, ALFIE? Why do you do it? What's the rush feel like? The thought scares the living bejesus outta me. StageFright.

At a base level, the feeling I get on stage is exactly the same feeling I get when I jump off a bridge, only stretched over a longer period of time. It's all adrenaline. I love being on stage, have done it regularly since grade school, and I still feel the stage fright every single time I do it. Difference is, for lack of a better metaphor, I surf the wave of adrenaline rather than crash into it.

Add in a healthy measure of audience reaction (making someone laugh or cry plus the added bonus of applause). Shift gears slightly and have it be ritual theater or Shakespeare where I'm Speaking Truth and/or doing something Bigger Than Myself. Mix it all together and crack ain't got nothing on it for highs, lows, or addiction factor.

Somehow it's easier if'n it's REAL(tm).
Define your terms, paleface.

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Somehow it's easier if'n it's REAL(tm).
Define your terms, paleface.

I know, I know. That's what I'm realizing, yet since I haven't done it much, it's still hard getting my head fully around it.

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

And thank you very much for your thoughts/feelings re: acting. You were one of the ones I was hoping to hear from (and would've followed up w/a direct query e-mail had you not responded here).

[princekermit.livejournal.com]

Of course! You know me: everyone's entitled to my opinion. ;-)

[ericgriffith.livejournal.com]

Stage fright: I don't care what anyone says, stage fright is always about the fear of failure. Its VERY different from the excitement of sharing a story,the rush of accolades the audience gives to you or a collective "ah ha" moments shared by hundreds of people at your bequest.

Now let me tell you something else stage fright ALWAYS goes away and people will forgive your mistakes,but the pain of regret is never ending. IF there is something that tickles your fancy, go for it. I think you'd be brilliant at most things if you put your mind to it : )

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Thx, sweetie - appreciated very much.

[vonvoncake.livejournal.com]

What they said. I totally agree with both of them re: stage fright. I'm never perfectly calm and collected before I go on. It's fear of failure, but it's also excitement at being the center (or off center) of attention. I'm an attention whore...I totally admit it. Whether I'm doing more guerrilla like theater in Renn Faire or other improv, or the Bard, or ritual or ritual drama, I feel the fright and, like PK says, ride the wave. In an ideal world, I lose myself in the role and it flows and it's the best high ever.

I can also speak to the teaching. I love teaching. It's what I was put on this planet to do. There's a bit of the same pull to teaching as there is to acting. Teaching is a CREATIVE endeavor, as is any sort of acting. You are creating something to share with others. In teaching, you hope to hell that they remember what you say long enough to be useful, whether that's a week or a month or forever. You are also GOD in the classroom, which has it's own draw. I used to tell my students that my classroom was NOT a demoncracy. It was a benevolent dictatorship and I was La Generalissima. And teaching is rewarding beyond the time you are in the classroom. One gal who was in the very first class that I ever taught at Edmonds CC is now our corporate CPA. Now that's addicting.

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Thx for weighing in w/your thoughts 'n' feeling. Appreciated.

[quetz.livejournal.com]

Being on stage, to me, means being a part of something larger than myself: Bringing something off the page and out of my contraption of wood and string and hair into sound into the ears of all those around and together with everyone else it creates something great and terrible.

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Thank you.