Exclusivity / In-Jokes

[mlerules]

Ramble time. Torn 'tween desires and appreciation for community/bonding/building, for promoting in-jokes as ways of showing and sharing and remembering special times/bonds/events/occasions amongst people on the one hand and abhorring exclusivity/superiority/anything that smacks of "we're better than you" or "you're less worthy b'c you're not one of us" on t'other. Perhaps it's one reason I often do NOT really feel part of groups, but instead an entity apart, certainly often welcome in various places and w/various groups, and often At Home in many places and with many people. Mebbe it's why I don't place huge emphasis on who I am in terms of who I hang out with and/or what they do...or something.

A friend currently has this as the e-mail sig line: "Please… tell me who you are and what you want. And if you think those are simple questions, keep in mind that most people live their entire lives without arriving at an answer." - Gary Zukav

I'm not sure I can - or want to - TELL you who I am. If'n you want to know me/who I am, spend time w/me, read my LJ, talk to me, watch me, listen to me, ask me questions, wander and wonder w/me. I cannot summarize myself easily in words. What I want: respect, love, understanding, appreciation, companionship, huggles 'n' snuggles, sharing, stimulation of all sorts (intellectual, spiritual, physical - ideally all wrapped up together), time, ability to satisfy my basic (and not-so) needs, mutuality of sharing & caring and everything else above.

Feeling punchy today. Mildly outta sorts. Figured out pretty quickly what'd been triggered inside and said something about it, then pretty quickly felt better, but w/some residual something-or-other nonsense.

Tired of waiting & seeing. Wanna ACT. Sometimes patience is necessary. I've long known that patience is one virtue I ran out of huge quantities some time ago. I used to have huge vats of it. Guess it's time I reaffirm the need for balance once again. Not quite sure what I'm balancing though. Perhaps it's balancing my need to DO versus my need to WAIT/be patient? I wanna reap what I've sown! But perhaps it's not quite the right season. Or something...

Ooops. I'm so NOT being at peace right now. I'm floundering. I'm feeling like I haven't felt in a long time...as if something's missing and I want to figure it out and fix it...hell, I'd be up for just riding the feeling out and not judging it as good/bad, but I cannot even get a real handle on it to describe it...something's missing is all. Anyway, the sun's out and I've got a Diamond in the Rough to view...and I'm feeling better now anyway just purging and getting this all out...phew! BAPAMAP - oh, yeah!

Comments

[princekermit.livejournal.com]

I hear you. There is a line between "bonding" and "us/them." Trouble is, it fluctuates.

We go through it constantly with Spring Mysteries because the cast is seen as clique-y and stand-offish and at the same time, we really don't get the opportunity to get out and rub elbows because we only have so much time between cast calls.

And I look forward to talking to you more, partly to find out who you are and what you want, but perhaps in the process to help me figure out who I am and what I want.

Bapamap?

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

And I look forward to talking to you more, partly to find out who you are and what you want, but perhaps in the process to help me figure out who I am and what I want.

Yup. And that's part of the mutuality I desire: mutual learning & growth. Mebbe Friday for turkey feast @ CuM? Dunno if'n you're SMF recap'll interfere, but it'd be swell (and tasty) were you to join us. :-)

Re: origin of BAPAMAP (Be At Peace As Much As Possible): http://mlerules.livejournal.com/750438.html

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

There is a line between "bonding" and "us/them." Trouble is, it fluctuates.

Intentions matter muchly to me when it comes to this sorta thing. If'n folks come out and say things along the "holier than thou" line, that makes it easier to point a finger and say "nope, not what I'm into." Sometimes though one assumes intentions from perceived attitude: an upturned nose, a rolling of eyes, whatever - but these're best just ignored...b'c you don't really know what folks're thinking/feeling and sometimes shyness (or bizzyness/focus elsewhere) comes off as superiority/exclusivity. Amongst my current life mottos/guidelines: Take Nothing Personally and Don't Get Too Attached To Anything. Also: Bring Back Stories...

[ignusfaatus.livejournal.com]

we might be having a similar day, you and I. The Zukav quote makes me feel better

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Glad it made you feel better. :-) Pop still around or has he popped off back to wherever yet?

[vismaya-viewer.livejournal.com]

So on the same page with you, feeling that those who truly want to know you will create time and use the tools available to do just that. I'm with you in your floundering, hoping to help if needed, with either figuring out what's missing or helping you to BAPAMAP. *loves*