Nuttin' In Particular
Jun. 13th, 2005 09:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mlerulesOnce again I find myself focussing on focussing, rather than on...whatever. The thoughts 'bout the acts take over and the acts don't get done. But I'm sleepy 'nuff that nada's gonna get done actually/physically now anyway anyhow. And thinking's doing. And LJ'ing's doing. Blah blah blah. Twisted time. Grand time at Musee last night, followed by chow at Canter's. Always glad to know of good 24-hour eateries near whereever I happen to be. Watched "The Secret Policemen's Ball" on vid this eve. Funny odd bit done live which we know from some Monty Python episode: competitive 'how bad it was back then" stories. We had it so bad... How far we've come. How far we've sunk.
I certaintly hope my subconc is working overtime, 'cause not much is happening on the conscious level. Nice actually, not to have my brain roiling and boiling and hip-hopping from one thing to the next. Ah, hell, it's happening (as always), but I'm not feeling so dragged along by thoughts as I sometimes/often am/do.
We have these parts of our lives that we keep to ourselves, or amongst a very few anyway. Not sure whether out of a sense of exclusivity or a desire to maintain excl....or out of privacy concerns/desires...'cause it's none of anybody's biz and we don't wanna be judged.
But what of this compulsion to share? I'll share fairly freely of my thought processes and even content (this is posted on LJ after all), but not always of my feelings 'bout certain events/possibilities...prolly in part b'c I'm not so sure myself. My def of ambivalence: being of 12 minds 'bout something.
There's a quote I want to find. It's probably in a journal. But there're a couple of dozen possibilities. It's certainly in an e-mail from several years back, and I've had to dump 'em. Could reread the book, but don't really want to make that much of a commitment. P'rhaps can skim for it. And in the process of not looking fwd to it but merely thinking (and talking/typing) about it, I'm doing exactly what's mentioned in the quote, which I don't so much like, which is part of why I want to to find it. Basically, it's about how some folks drift through life like kelp (or something else that drifts, barely anchored) and others take control (as much as possible) or at least try to move themselves. Is the on-going search for the elusive goal a sufficient goal in and of itself? Guess it's better than curling up into a little ball and moaning softly for daze on end.
Times like these time weights heavily. Feels like I should be doing something, more, something, anything. So I think, and type, and talk. This is something. It's definitely a part of anything. Yet it doesn't feel like enough...or like the right thing for the moment, for now, for this, for me. It's really between-times right now. Things've happened. More will happen. Right now much is happening...but w/out me. I want to spin so fast I create my own gravitational field...yet if'n this does happen, how can I slow down enough to enjoy/appreciate it w/out losing the momentum that created my vortex which provided me with something I want/need/desire? Hmm. It works if I switch metaphors from physics to biology. Spinning a web rather than creating a field. Or perhaps back to the former...magnetizing: once magnetized, things'll remain attracted for a while, 'til the bits reajust/realign.
Not quite sure how this works: seduction = evil, but evil = good. 'Kay. 'Nuff ramblings for now...
I certaintly hope my subconc is working overtime, 'cause not much is happening on the conscious level. Nice actually, not to have my brain roiling and boiling and hip-hopping from one thing to the next. Ah, hell, it's happening (as always), but I'm not feeling so dragged along by thoughts as I sometimes/often am/do.
We have these parts of our lives that we keep to ourselves, or amongst a very few anyway. Not sure whether out of a sense of exclusivity or a desire to maintain excl....or out of privacy concerns/desires...'cause it's none of anybody's biz and we don't wanna be judged.
But what of this compulsion to share? I'll share fairly freely of my thought processes and even content (this is posted on LJ after all), but not always of my feelings 'bout certain events/possibilities...prolly in part b'c I'm not so sure myself. My def of ambivalence: being of 12 minds 'bout something.
There's a quote I want to find. It's probably in a journal. But there're a couple of dozen possibilities. It's certainly in an e-mail from several years back, and I've had to dump 'em. Could reread the book, but don't really want to make that much of a commitment. P'rhaps can skim for it. And in the process of not looking fwd to it but merely thinking (and talking/typing) about it, I'm doing exactly what's mentioned in the quote, which I don't so much like, which is part of why I want to to find it. Basically, it's about how some folks drift through life like kelp (or something else that drifts, barely anchored) and others take control (as much as possible) or at least try to move themselves. Is the on-going search for the elusive goal a sufficient goal in and of itself? Guess it's better than curling up into a little ball and moaning softly for daze on end.
Times like these time weights heavily. Feels like I should be doing something, more, something, anything. So I think, and type, and talk. This is something. It's definitely a part of anything. Yet it doesn't feel like enough...or like the right thing for the moment, for now, for this, for me. It's really between-times right now. Things've happened. More will happen. Right now much is happening...but w/out me. I want to spin so fast I create my own gravitational field...yet if'n this does happen, how can I slow down enough to enjoy/appreciate it w/out losing the momentum that created my vortex which provided me with something I want/need/desire? Hmm. It works if I switch metaphors from physics to biology. Spinning a web rather than creating a field. Or perhaps back to the former...magnetizing: once magnetized, things'll remain attracted for a while, 'til the bits reajust/realign.
Not quite sure how this works: seduction = evil, but evil = good. 'Kay. 'Nuff ramblings for now...
