Searching...Wandering/Wondering...Take Umpteenth

[mlerules]

I'm seeking a new paradigm. My usual r-ship mode doesn't quite seem appropriate, somehow. Or perhaps I'm second-guessing myself unnecessarily. Perhaps I should just go along as I would were I not reluctant to...to what, exactly?

Not easy figuring this out...it's why I'm babbling here, in hopes of hitting upon a good combo/solution/balance. Need to balance: connection/intertwining w/independence, heart/mind/soul-sharing w/WHAT? I want to share w/out giving up too much of myself. Sometimes this seems easier than others. The rooms're available for viewing, but please don't steal the knick-knacks. What about rearranging the furniture? I've been known to adjust too much to/for others. Chameleoning can be helpful, but it must be watched to make sure it's wise. Must keep track of what I want/need/desire as well as what I want for others. I matter. This sounds like such a simple thing, yet it can slip away if care's not taken. Thus I remind myself here and now of this fact.

...

Filling holes/gaps/needs.

...

Fark it. I'm gonna do what I usually do w/out worrying unduly much. I will keep an eye out for losing myself and haul myself back up by my britches if'n I start doling out too much of myself. So be it.

Comments

[sheistheweather]

I love these posts. It's a lot of what I think about as well.

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

And it can slip or be given away all too easily.

??? Dunno what this means...

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Ah, yes. Good to know I'm not the only one w/this tendency.

[elocinnuala.livejournal.com]

Not the only one at all!!
I'll cop to being prone to this and paranoid because of it.

Thanks for sharing beautiful lady.

Hugs!!

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

*hugs* backatcha - lemme know if'n you need a ride to CuMoon on Th...

[stardragan.livejournal.com]

I'm always second guessing myself and lately have been on a roller coaster of emotion, but that's all hormonal crap anyway.

I hate the balancing act of being part of a whole and trying to stay me. I lost myself for 10 years once and that is not going to happen again.

[grammaravenger.livejournal.com]

Yeah, you're definitely not the only one with that tendency (by a long shot, I should imagine).

[dwights.livejournal.com]

I put my relationship with K under stress because of some of my own proclivity toward chameleoning, so not only can you not be true to yourself, you can threaten what it is that you're trying to protect. Issues are so much easier to deal with when they are young and small and haven't been given lots of time in a dark closet to fester. Talking about the hard things makes things more real and keeps things healthier in the long run.... but it is a pernicious habit and hard to overcome. Being compassionate, caring, and accommodating is a good thing... but it isn't that large of a step from there to being the chameleon.

*hugs*

[mlerules.livejournal.com]

Thx for insight(s) - appreciated.

[jeffwaddell.livejournal.com]

mlerules-->Must keep track of what I want/need/desire as well as what I want for others. I matter.

jeff-->I concur, to both sentiments/statements [although I don't use the word "want" in this context due to its multiple meanings]. And these are things (keeping track of my needs/desires and that I matter] that are true for me as well. So in the interests of keeping track...what methods do you use to keep track of YOUR needs? What methods do you use to keep track of the needs of those you care about? When do the needs/desires match up? When do they conflict? A couple or reminders to myself that you may also find useful...1) I don't have to fulfill anyone else's need/desire, EVER 2) I also don't have to fulfill my own desires/needs either 3) God, life is so much much better when desires/needs ARE fulfilled. If I communicate my desires/needs to myself, those around me, and the universe/god; I have a much greater rate of "success" at fulfilling those needs/desires...I doubt it will ever be 100% ;) Keep rambling if you desire :)

Oh and I like that word "chameleoning"....some of us are unbelieveable good at it (my wife), and some of us not so good (me).


take care, and how can you lose you? you are right there ;)