I know women like that. In fact, most of the women in my family are like that.
I agree that not everyone gets the man of her dreams. I had someone who I thought was that guy, and in reality it just did not work like it did in our mutual fantasy of us. There's no reason to marry someone you're not friends with and don't feel passion for. Absolutely not. I've seen what happens and its resentment, awkwardness, and its just plain sad. I get sad every time I hear my aunt complain about how much her husband annoys her. They don't do anything together, they barely talk, and they don't seem to be friends. She talks about the real love of her life and they sound like such good friends when I hear them talk on the phone... but says she did not marry him because he was penniless and she'd never have been able to afford her house and retire early like she did now. Well, now she has a nice house and her retirement and she likes her dog but no love filling the house, and no one to spend her free time with.
My response is "Well, if settling feels better than being single, even if it's not perfection, do it." I tend to recommend going with the least miserable option. But as soon as settling is consistently more painful than being alone, chuck it. Hence me recommending a long engagement period, typically.
Oh, I'm all for that if someone wants to do it. But the way she wrote the whole thing, it came across completely as, "This is my opinion and you should follow it or you're deluding yourself." Which I think she actually says, at one point. That's where the "Oh, fuck you," comes in. ;)
The article had me thinking 'bout the women I know and what might be a common 'dream' among them, since I do not believe it involves traditional 'marriage' and family. Though I'm sure 'what they most long for' includes love, 'family' and connection, I think the average woman in my circle desires happiness and the freedom to follow her bliss in whatever way she chooses. I'm comforted knowing we're able to escape our gender's cultural mean to create our own values.
What a spectacular waste of time reading that was....I thought there might be *something* in there that would redeem the whole...nah! Somebody doesn't like the choices they made and is trying to convince other people to make different choices but their reasoning is LESS than sound and contradictory and is so steeped in a culture that I never did understand in the first place that well blah...
We all "settle" each and every day in small ways and big and sometimes when we realize that we are settling and that we don't have to we choose BETTER (when this happens we FEEL better ;). It's very difficult to choose BETTER if one can't even see what the choices are or recognize the consequences of the choices one makes. I hope this ladies opinion doesn't convince anybody to choose WORSE...although that appears to me to be what she is attempting to convince people to do.
Is anybody reading this actually feeling like this woman does?
While the women who are waiting for the PERFECT Prince Charming piss me off, so do the "Marry now or you never will and you will be MISERABLE you old maid" ladies.
I don't want kids. I don't need a piece of paper. Sure, I'm only 25 so it's possible I will change my mind, but I have felt this way for a significant period of time. At least a good 5 years or so? And the ones who condescendingly explain that finding the right man will make me change my mind make me explode.
In short, most people make me angry, apparently. Or I just don't like extremes/being told what I am really like by people I have known fewer than 6 hours.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2008-03-17 10:23 pm (UTC)Pop Goes the Culture Weasel
Date: 2008-03-17 10:28 pm (UTC)Re: Pop Goes the Culture Weasel
Date: 2008-03-17 10:29 pm (UTC)Re: Pop Goes the Culture Weasel
Date: 2008-03-17 10:30 pm (UTC)Re: Pop Goes the Culture Weasel
Date: 2008-03-17 10:33 pm (UTC)It's like the donkey scene in Clerks 2.
Re: Pop Goes the Culture Weasel
Date: 2008-03-17 10:35 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-17 10:38 pm (UTC)I agree that not everyone gets the man of her dreams. I had someone who I thought was that guy, and in reality it just did not work like it did in our mutual fantasy of us. There's no reason to marry someone you're not friends with and don't feel passion for. Absolutely not. I've seen what happens and its resentment, awkwardness, and its just plain sad. I get sad every time I hear my aunt complain about how much her husband annoys her. They don't do anything together, they barely talk, and they don't seem to be friends. She talks about the real love of her life and they sound like such good friends when I hear them talk on the phone... but says she did not marry him because he was penniless and she'd never have been able to afford her house and retire early like she did now. Well, now she has a nice house and her retirement and she likes her dog but no love filling the house, and no one to spend her free time with.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-17 10:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-17 10:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-18 12:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-18 12:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-18 12:42 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-18 12:11 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-03-18 12:32 am (UTC)So, I agree with Vismaya_viewer. And probably everyone else commenting.
no subject
Date: 2008-03-18 03:47 am (UTC)We all "settle" each and every day in small ways and big and sometimes when we realize that we are settling and that we don't have to we choose BETTER (when this happens we FEEL better ;). It's very difficult to choose BETTER if one can't even see what the choices are or recognize the consequences of the choices one makes. I hope this ladies opinion doesn't convince anybody to choose WORSE...although that appears to me to be what she is attempting to convince people to do.
Is anybody reading this actually feeling like this woman does?
no subject
Date: 2008-03-18 02:27 pm (UTC)I don't want kids. I don't need a piece of paper. Sure, I'm only 25 so it's possible I will change my mind, but I have felt this way for a significant period of time. At least a good 5 years or so? And the ones who condescendingly explain that finding the right man will make me change my mind make me explode.
In short, most people make me angry, apparently. Or I just don't like extremes/being told what I am really like by people I have known fewer than 6 hours.