mlerules

Just had a marvelously long w'end in Big Bear. Thoroughly enjoyed myself w/much goodness: company, food, weather, flick (Star Wars III aka 6th), moon viewing, jacuzzi sessions, wildflower sightings and walkies (even though 'twas too early in the season to rent kayaks - in July it WILL happen). Am now exhausted. Should be unpacking and repacking for the next set of adventures. But instead I'm here, reading & typing. Next up: random bits as I'm too zonked to paste 'em into a coherant or cohesive narrative: amazing how much fun one can have for $3.00: the badminton racquets (sp) from the Dollar Store (orange, black & hot pink - and now purple) started falling apart pretty quickly (paper tape on handle falling apart) and we managed to lose 3 birdies on the roof pretty quickly, but still we had quite an enjoyable 3-way session batting the birdies around, flailing and whacking and giggling madly. The black&tans helped. Then it got dark, so we had to stop. This morning several of the stranded birdies came off the roof so we can do it again next time the urge hits. Must toss a mess of songs onto a CD before leaving for Points North (There & Back Again) o'morrow. What I want, perhaps even need: infectious enthusiasm. Perhaps AKA passion. This one's worth some time in the think tank. I wanna both be 'round it and supply it. Take & give. Mutual Admiration Society. From "The Graveyard Heart" in Zelazny's "Four for Tomorrow:" "[H]e suddenly felt wise in time when wisdom was unnecessary. Knowledge was what he needed. Fear was what he had." Been there. How much of a mystery should I make of myself? Seems like I don't hold much back. The door's open. I often shed light and share dreams, hopes, fears...even longings & sometimes dreads. Along these lines: just b'c the door's open doesn't mean anyone peeking in will see the whole property: it's filled w/stairs, doorways, curtains, sliding entryways, shifting passages, pocket hankerchief gardens, secret gardens, greenhouses, dungeons perhaps...and it's not always well illuminated...or well dusted...the paths aren't always marked...and I'm sure there's at least one maze inside (perhaps a proper labyrinth even...with a wandering minotaur...or maybe just a wandering minstrel ("I")). It can be dangerous making someone the center of your universe. Stars burn bright. You can get burned if there's too much heat. "Tourists are immigrants who audit. We feel the dislocation yet bear none of the responsibility. We pick up a few words; we don't abandon our mother tongue. We come for the enticements but we don't stay for the test." It's this last line that grabs me the most. 'Twas written 'bout travel (source = "Faces In A Crowd" by Thomas Swick, orig publ in The South Florida Sun-Sentinal, prolly in (2004) and reprinted in "The Best American Travel Writing - 2004") but makes me think 'bout relationships. Guess this is one test of how "true" or "real" or something a r-ship is: does one come for the enticements but leave before the testing ground gets hot? Or does one choose to settle down, make a stand, say "yes" and really be there through sick and thin (wow - an oop, but I've leaving it as is), in wellness & in poorness, expanding lives to include t'other, manipulating time to include what's really important, managing constellations so the complicated orbits don't result in shooting stars (crash & burn) but instead in a marvelous dance enjoyed by all (who know/can appreciate it). It's been a long time since I've been w/out a boy to orbit 'round. This state is a good one. Will try to maintain it for a while. Not that it's really particularly up to me: it takes two to tango. But it's nice not having any particular crushes (or full-blown unrequoited (sp) loves), 'tho' I tend to always have a few I'm pondering "what if" about...my fantasy life's pretty rich. Unfulfilled fantasy often works better than trying it out and having hopes dashed. Must off so what must be done can be done.