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mlerulesNot sure where I'm going w/this, but a thought's been cocooning in my head and has just now started emerging...just the tentacles at first...more to come, perhaps: something about give & take, about balance, about the fact that what I choose to focus on doesn't dictate what others'll do or how they'll choose to spend their time/energy, about how I must take sole responsibility for whatever happens...or really and more importantly does NOT happen or more relevantly how I react to what does (or does not) happen. ARGH! Not expressing myself clearly. Trying to toss words out in hopes that they'll stick together (opposite of parse = what? paragraph? phrase?) in some sensible fashion. It's my journal. It's what happens.
It's nice to take the time, to make the time, to allow myself the time to figure things out...and extra-special when it happens, when the dawning occurs.
What I've learned: there're patterns I fall into, paths I follow, for some reason or other, perhaps just b'c I've done it before so it's familiar. These're patterns of action and behavior. I need NOT, however, follow along the traditional concurrent patterns of emotion and reaction that oft-times follow along with such actions. Taking great pains in fact to avoid following certain paths.
I've gone deep. I've delved. I've devoted some considerable time and effort. To what end(s)? What did I expect to gain? Understanding. Insight. Knowledge. Why did/do I care? Now what? That remains to be seen.
The only reason I haven't deleted all the above nonsense is out of some sense of respect for my formerly declared and still mostly followed policy of Do Not Delete.
Let's try this again:
I've been feeling really quite good lately (other than physically). It's worth noting b'c sometimes I forget to mention when I'm feeling positive 'bout myself and how things're going and only say something when I'm low. Ever since returning my last trip to SoCal I've felt even more centered here and pleased w/how things are going w/out feeling complacent. I'm continuing working on expanding social networks, on getting to know more people, on getting to know people better, on making friends, on being a friend, on taking stock and note of what I've got and what I need and working on providing myself w/opportunities to get what I need and want.
Sometimes it feels as if I'm drifting. Then I realize that it's not really so. I cannot control what's gonna happen. But I can prepare myself and my surroundings by choosing where to go and who to spend with with and how to divvy up my time/energy. I can set the stage and then let what will come as it may arrive, knowing that I've done my part (and'll do my part as it arises). Much of the best of life really works as impromptu. It does though help to have researched my part, chosen appropriate costumes and set pieces, and helped create the scenery.
I don't yet know what roles I'm going to play in the next series of plays that makes up my life. One of the keys to impromptu is always saying YES. Yeah, yeah, must keep boundaries firmly in mind blah blah blah. Okay. To that end, I'm now gonna finish up The Ethical Slut and let the thoughts and emotions that it stirs up provide me w/more food for thought then work on formulating some rules or at least some guidelines or perhaps just some thoughts to keep in mind or mention when asked.
Level of positiveness = great. Upcomingness shall require balancing duty, quiet contemplation, and great excesses of interaction. What do I hope to gain/learn? Whatever I can! Who do I expect to be as a result? Who I am but w/even more experience in life, the universe, and everything.
It's nice to take the time, to make the time, to allow myself the time to figure things out...and extra-special when it happens, when the dawning occurs.
What I've learned: there're patterns I fall into, paths I follow, for some reason or other, perhaps just b'c I've done it before so it's familiar. These're patterns of action and behavior. I need NOT, however, follow along the traditional concurrent patterns of emotion and reaction that oft-times follow along with such actions. Taking great pains in fact to avoid following certain paths.
I've gone deep. I've delved. I've devoted some considerable time and effort. To what end(s)? What did I expect to gain? Understanding. Insight. Knowledge. Why did/do I care? Now what? That remains to be seen.
The only reason I haven't deleted all the above nonsense is out of some sense of respect for my formerly declared and still mostly followed policy of Do Not Delete.
Let's try this again:
I've been feeling really quite good lately (other than physically). It's worth noting b'c sometimes I forget to mention when I'm feeling positive 'bout myself and how things're going and only say something when I'm low. Ever since returning my last trip to SoCal I've felt even more centered here and pleased w/how things are going w/out feeling complacent. I'm continuing working on expanding social networks, on getting to know more people, on getting to know people better, on making friends, on being a friend, on taking stock and note of what I've got and what I need and working on providing myself w/opportunities to get what I need and want.
Sometimes it feels as if I'm drifting. Then I realize that it's not really so. I cannot control what's gonna happen. But I can prepare myself and my surroundings by choosing where to go and who to spend with with and how to divvy up my time/energy. I can set the stage and then let what will come as it may arrive, knowing that I've done my part (and'll do my part as it arises). Much of the best of life really works as impromptu. It does though help to have researched my part, chosen appropriate costumes and set pieces, and helped create the scenery.
I don't yet know what roles I'm going to play in the next series of plays that makes up my life. One of the keys to impromptu is always saying YES. Yeah, yeah, must keep boundaries firmly in mind blah blah blah. Okay. To that end, I'm now gonna finish up The Ethical Slut and let the thoughts and emotions that it stirs up provide me w/more food for thought then work on formulating some rules or at least some guidelines or perhaps just some thoughts to keep in mind or mention when asked.
Level of positiveness = great. Upcomingness shall require balancing duty, quiet contemplation, and great excesses of interaction. What do I hope to gain/learn? Whatever I can! Who do I expect to be as a result? Who I am but w/even more experience in life, the universe, and everything.
