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mlerulesWhich more closely resembles the truth: Domesticity Blues or Domesticity Bliss? I've been thinking 'bout the concepts of independence & freedom, capitalized even: Independence and Freedom. Feeling irresponsible. So, jump ahead: what's it gonna take to take responsibility? Move there. Take baby steps if need be.
Am I the only one who ever gets frustrated by the whole concept of "baby steps?" Sometimes I don't want to have to expect developmentally appropriate behavior rather than full-scale life-changing epiphanies whereby all the rules're inscribed on a tablet or seared into the brain and imprinted on the heart and inside the DNA so we (as if by magic) know how to get along and how to get on with whatever 'tis we're supposed to be doing in the best possible way. Still, frustration's not helpful, so I won't gnaw on this bone for too long.
I'm enjoying the sensation of being able to multi-task while doing laundry. I'm paying bills, responding to e-mail, reading the news, swapping out the laundry, simmering more pasta puttanesca sauce ('cause the other half of the can of anchovies needed polishing off), typing this, stopping to take note of the shifting skies - the sun's out now, to smile and remember past thunderstorms - back East in New England during summers, having to rush inside at approx 4:30 in the afternoon to put down all the windows b'c the skies'd opened up; on the beach while BBQ'ing on Cape Breton, holding a raintarp over my step-mom as she cooked pork chops and potatoes roasted in the fire - we ended up all laughing hysterically and having a great time, staring over my shoulder at the resident bald eagle, wondering if he was born in the nest I spotted on one of the canoe expeditions, when we stroked by the moon jelly breeding ground (no swimming that trip as even worse were the long red-tentacled lion (?) jellies); standing on the Brighton Pier in a huge thunderstorm, being amazed b'c that's when the surfers would come out - best waves ever, dude (WTF?!), feeling the whumps of the waves hitting the piling, going inside to play pinball, thinking of the parts of Quadrophenia filmed in town...then getting back to the rest of what I must do.
Been gone on and off recently. About to be gone a whole lot. Must pencil in some down time at home for whenever I can. Must pay attention to it better this time. 'Twas worth it, absolutely.
Right now I'm trying to work out whether the good outweighs the bad vis-a-vis being gone so much. Wondering when to return from my next trip. Figure I'll make it up as I go along. I've got a mess of things I'd like to do and people I'd like to see...but there's a limit to what's possible, to what I can stand w/out chilling for a day or a few hours or a week. Solution: travel's good. It's part of what I need. Balance is a b!tch. Working on it. But really, sometimes I want to tell balance to blow it out its ear.
Standing on the fulcrum right now. At the top of the roller coaster ride. I used to hate roller coasters. Now I love 'em. (Well, a select few anyway. Haven't gone outta my way to find/experience more/others.)
How obvious is the roller coaster as r-ship metaphor, anyway? Heh. Realizing in some ways I really do prefer "baby steps" to precipitous falling (from Grace? into love? into hell?). A repeat: I quite like merry-go-'rounds.
Now to get back to everything...with one final note from a book I'm reading: "If wishes were fishes,... we'd all be dead of mercury poisoning."
Am I the only one who ever gets frustrated by the whole concept of "baby steps?" Sometimes I don't want to have to expect developmentally appropriate behavior rather than full-scale life-changing epiphanies whereby all the rules're inscribed on a tablet or seared into the brain and imprinted on the heart and inside the DNA so we (as if by magic) know how to get along and how to get on with whatever 'tis we're supposed to be doing in the best possible way. Still, frustration's not helpful, so I won't gnaw on this bone for too long.
I'm enjoying the sensation of being able to multi-task while doing laundry. I'm paying bills, responding to e-mail, reading the news, swapping out the laundry, simmering more pasta puttanesca sauce ('cause the other half of the can of anchovies needed polishing off), typing this, stopping to take note of the shifting skies - the sun's out now, to smile and remember past thunderstorms - back East in New England during summers, having to rush inside at approx 4:30 in the afternoon to put down all the windows b'c the skies'd opened up; on the beach while BBQ'ing on Cape Breton, holding a raintarp over my step-mom as she cooked pork chops and potatoes roasted in the fire - we ended up all laughing hysterically and having a great time, staring over my shoulder at the resident bald eagle, wondering if he was born in the nest I spotted on one of the canoe expeditions, when we stroked by the moon jelly breeding ground (no swimming that trip as even worse were the long red-tentacled lion (?) jellies); standing on the Brighton Pier in a huge thunderstorm, being amazed b'c that's when the surfers would come out - best waves ever, dude (WTF?!), feeling the whumps of the waves hitting the piling, going inside to play pinball, thinking of the parts of Quadrophenia filmed in town...then getting back to the rest of what I must do.
Been gone on and off recently. About to be gone a whole lot. Must pencil in some down time at home for whenever I can. Must pay attention to it better this time. 'Twas worth it, absolutely.
Right now I'm trying to work out whether the good outweighs the bad vis-a-vis being gone so much. Wondering when to return from my next trip. Figure I'll make it up as I go along. I've got a mess of things I'd like to do and people I'd like to see...but there's a limit to what's possible, to what I can stand w/out chilling for a day or a few hours or a week. Solution: travel's good. It's part of what I need. Balance is a b!tch. Working on it. But really, sometimes I want to tell balance to blow it out its ear.
Standing on the fulcrum right now. At the top of the roller coaster ride. I used to hate roller coasters. Now I love 'em. (Well, a select few anyway. Haven't gone outta my way to find/experience more/others.)
How obvious is the roller coaster as r-ship metaphor, anyway? Heh. Realizing in some ways I really do prefer "baby steps" to precipitous falling (from Grace? into love? into hell?). A repeat: I quite like merry-go-'rounds.
Now to get back to everything...with one final note from a book I'm reading: "If wishes were fishes,... we'd all be dead of mercury poisoning."
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no subject
Date: 2007-09-04 08:39 pm (UTC)I am reminded of the Pogues song "Rainy Night in Soho" -- "We watched our friends grow up together / and we saw them as they fell / Some of them fell into heaven / Some of them fell into hell."
no subject
Date: 2007-09-04 08:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-05 03:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-05 08:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-09-04 10:00 pm (UTC)But cuncur with also not being a fan of the precipitous falling...
no subject
Date: 2007-09-05 12:59 am (UTC)Thinky-thoughts.