Mantics & Romps
Aug. 4th, 2007 07:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mlerulesYes. Taking time for myself, to myself. Some of the best times to myself I've had recently - it's silver lining time - have been stolen minutes from hell. Well, I was thinking they stolen from me, but now I'm not so sure. Now they're resonating as some of the best few minutes of solitude...sweeter still precisely because stolen, b'c in the midst of one of the mid-ranked circles of hell - you know it's strong when I spell it out w/using He!! or Heck - sitting in traffic that's completely stopped dead for no apparent reason (none EVER - I never saw a reason or excuse or justification...that's just the way things are sometimes)...well, I took the time to look out into the trees, to look up at the clouds decorating the sky, to crank the music up just a little bit higher (ran the gamut from Beethoven's 9th to serious dance trance Europop techno what-have-you compilations to old school R&B to show tunes (Hedwig & Hair)), and enjoy a slide sample slice o' time/life which I usually see at 70 mph. Next time though, I want to choose the spot for taking a moment to ponder my surroundings.
Today, walking around - not getting back into the car until...okay, until tomorrow...but then not again for several days...weaning myself...it's nice...things to do places to go but now it's time to stay put, 'cause what I need is here (and out there there there...gah...). Stopped by all rosebushes along my amble today and smelled the blossoms. There's a delightful variety of rose smells out there. I'm thrilled to see all the HUGE butterfly bushes and quite pleased that I've got one of my own which I'll take with me and perhaps one day plant in the ground for myself. Yes. One day I'll take root.
This absolutely terrifies me. It also sounds like the best thing in the world. Yes. Both. At one and the same time. I can commit to a person, but to a place? Well, I sorta did. I got trapped. I got sucked in. It was my own damn fault. And I escaped. When the time was right - or well after the fact, PRECISELY as in many - at least several - r-ships. - I did get out and arrive here. I'm getting better about not sticking around if it's not right. Hmm, not precisely what I meant to say. It didn't come out quite right. When I realize it's not right, when I discuss this fact - or at least raise the issue and hear back, even if not in the strictest sense a conversation - I figure out if it's mutual and go from there.
What does "moving on" mean, precisely? Where will/do I go? It will/does, of course, depend on the circumstances. But then again, if we're not friends, what chance did anything else stand anyway?
Are my roots actually tentacles? The latter sounds far worse than the former: grasping, grappling, forcing connections...when if they're there and true they'll survive. Watering and feeding's nice, as is tending...and weeding, what about weeding? It's not a nice feeling, being weeded out.
Being put out to pasture is better than being sent to the glue factory. One of my fave Hugh Lofting's Dr. Doolittle books turns on finding the perfect pasture-land for retired horses and getting 'em there. Similar feeling from a chapter in one of the Jim Herriot novels in which a hard-working farmer has a soft-spot for one of his old work-horses. I apparently have a soft spot for - can you tell what it is - yep - you got it - you guessed it - HYPHENS.
Facing fears...takes deep breath and dives in...swimming for the surface before getting caught in the grips of the monster (6/6 Kraken - costs 5 +3 blue to cast): I fear putting down roots because it hurts so danged much to have 'em ripped out. Yup, back to my first ever life motto: Nothing Lasts Forever.
After that it became: Turnabout Is Fair Play. Most recently (last 18 months or so), it's been Curious, But Not Committed. Except I sorta DID commit, by moving here. Still, I'm renting month-to-month, even as I put down some roots (literally w/some plants and figuratively by making it mine by having nasturiams on my mind and above the molding). I'm rooted by people. Electronics work wonders. As does putting pen and ink to paper.
Okay, NOW I'm starting to see whassup...l'il toilet flushing swirls of nonsense. Pull the chain and whazoo it's gone. Good. Glad. Off to do whatever else 'tis I choose to do this evening, which likely include drinking hot tea w/the very last of the choco tea biscuits opened during Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon after a much needed/appreciated romp in the pool.
My life needs more romp(ing)(s). RompQuest. RuneQuest. I'm stopping this line of thought right now. There's this game we were working on. Lands/sections included The Pleasure Palace, where you could vie for the right to become the Potentate of Pleasure...damn, this needs more work...we got caught up in play-testing and neglected to work the details through thoroughly...hmmm, perhaps nother project for those cold dark damp winter daze & nights.
Capacity versus aptitude. This bears consideration.
I also like ellipses, to point out the obvious yet again, too. Ditto.
Today, walking around - not getting back into the car until...okay, until tomorrow...but then not again for several days...weaning myself...it's nice...things to do places to go but now it's time to stay put, 'cause what I need is here (and out there there there...gah...). Stopped by all rosebushes along my amble today and smelled the blossoms. There's a delightful variety of rose smells out there. I'm thrilled to see all the HUGE butterfly bushes and quite pleased that I've got one of my own which I'll take with me and perhaps one day plant in the ground for myself. Yes. One day I'll take root.
This absolutely terrifies me. It also sounds like the best thing in the world. Yes. Both. At one and the same time. I can commit to a person, but to a place? Well, I sorta did. I got trapped. I got sucked in. It was my own damn fault. And I escaped. When the time was right - or well after the fact, PRECISELY as in many - at least several - r-ships. - I did get out and arrive here. I'm getting better about not sticking around if it's not right. Hmm, not precisely what I meant to say. It didn't come out quite right. When I realize it's not right, when I discuss this fact - or at least raise the issue and hear back, even if not in the strictest sense a conversation - I figure out if it's mutual and go from there.
What does "moving on" mean, precisely? Where will/do I go? It will/does, of course, depend on the circumstances. But then again, if we're not friends, what chance did anything else stand anyway?
Are my roots actually tentacles? The latter sounds far worse than the former: grasping, grappling, forcing connections...when if they're there and true they'll survive. Watering and feeding's nice, as is tending...and weeding, what about weeding? It's not a nice feeling, being weeded out.
Being put out to pasture is better than being sent to the glue factory. One of my fave Hugh Lofting's Dr. Doolittle books turns on finding the perfect pasture-land for retired horses and getting 'em there. Similar feeling from a chapter in one of the Jim Herriot novels in which a hard-working farmer has a soft-spot for one of his old work-horses. I apparently have a soft spot for - can you tell what it is - yep - you got it - you guessed it - HYPHENS.
Facing fears...takes deep breath and dives in...swimming for the surface before getting caught in the grips of the monster (6/6 Kraken - costs 5 +3 blue to cast): I fear putting down roots because it hurts so danged much to have 'em ripped out. Yup, back to my first ever life motto: Nothing Lasts Forever.
After that it became: Turnabout Is Fair Play. Most recently (last 18 months or so), it's been Curious, But Not Committed. Except I sorta DID commit, by moving here. Still, I'm renting month-to-month, even as I put down some roots (literally w/some plants and figuratively by making it mine by having nasturiams on my mind and above the molding). I'm rooted by people. Electronics work wonders. As does putting pen and ink to paper.
Okay, NOW I'm starting to see whassup...l'il toilet flushing swirls of nonsense. Pull the chain and whazoo it's gone. Good. Glad. Off to do whatever else 'tis I choose to do this evening, which likely include drinking hot tea w/the very last of the choco tea biscuits opened during Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon after a much needed/appreciated romp in the pool.
My life needs more romp(ing)(s). RompQuest. RuneQuest. I'm stopping this line of thought right now. There's this game we were working on. Lands/sections included The Pleasure Palace, where you could vie for the right to become the Potentate of Pleasure...damn, this needs more work...we got caught up in play-testing and neglected to work the details through thoroughly...hmmm, perhaps nother project for those cold dark damp winter daze & nights.
Capacity versus aptitude. This bears consideration.
I also like ellipses, to point out the obvious yet again, too. Ditto.
