mlerules

Remembering. The kittens Scratch & Sniff. Today was a good day. As was yesterday. I sat on the patio looking out at the sound, lunching on Copper River Salmon, enjoying the warmth of the sun, the coolness of the breeze, the slow flow of people and boats drifting and bobbing to and fro. Comforted by an hour or two stolen from the day.

My days consist of Kodak moments (w/Odorono scratch 'n' sniff card). Forgettable to some, but not to me. Or not forever, at least. Glimpses drift back or bubble to the surface: memories reappear. Forging connections. Not foundering. I've always like this imagery. Resurfacing themes. Imagery. Mythology.

Interesting how folks'll make assumptions about who you are and what you like and what you're like based on little data. Solution: patience. Take/make time and see/feel/experience what happens. How much time to spend (waste?)...how much energy to invest? Learning to demand more give and take up front. Not holding on. Saying whatEVER - and meaning it.

I don't like being judged. It's one reason I try to go out of my way to avoid judgment(s) on others 'til time has elapsed. Going to pour out my soul/heart more judiciously. Have already been working on this. I do hope this doesn't mean I'm becoming too critical, too cautious, too callous, too careless, too extreme...or not enough. Not worrying. Just wondering.

Resumes. Biographies. Lists of accomplishments. Discrepancies may exist between what you think and what's real. LJ entries can serve to ground us, to remind us who we are/were. How sad is this? At least I'm not alone...

Okay. I love being alone. But after a while, I cannot stand it. This time, though, I'm not so concerned about balance (finding it or maintaining it). It's time to institute a cure. Hmm. Can and should "needs" be cured? Well, we can make/create/choose better patterns/incidences/choices. Figure out better methods of satisfying needs that don't raise as many issues which'll then require satisfying and/or dealing with. (Example: connection issues.)

"Getting me requires work."

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Argh. I've just committed myself to a 6-month period of lunacy prevention. Argh. I've given my word. I will abide by it.
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I want broad-based geekery. Depth and breadth both.

Beware perfection-based procrastination.

Cycles.

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Damn, I NEEDED that. Marathon phone conversations produce, provide, create, and sustain intimacy. There're many paths to intimacy.

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Judge not lest ye be judged. Yet conversation should not be like pulling teeth. Broad and deep: both required. Heed self-proclamations about being shallow. Listen up. Act appropriately? What's appropriate though? Be wary. Be cautious. Don't be stupid. Hell, you already know this. Now prove it.

I'm treasuring the moments of silence, the moments to myself, the sounds of silence. Unmanaged feelings. Letting emotions loose to drift...they're padded for protection, no fear...and even though untethered, you're grounded enough you won't lose 'em. Letting go. Enjoying the sensuality. Enjoying the moment in part because that's ALL it is...there can be no expectations of repeated experience...things change, circumstances change, situations change...what was will not necessarily be what is. Your results may vary. Read all brochures before deciding to invest. Past profits no guarantee of future results. REALLY! Disengaging for a time helps keep oneself under control. Giving up control can be so delightful. It's something I enjoy...when it's right. Yes: Truly Delightful. Just caresses. Varying in intensity and effect...building. There's nice and NICE. 'Twas both. Together.

Pinning emotions to physical sensations as if pinning butterfly wings to black velvet. Boxed up and served like chocolate. (Or smoked salt caramels.) Unwise. Time for more pattern breaking.

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It's trust establishment time. No anti-trust activity allowed. No trust-busting.

I'm tired. I'm done...for now.

Life is good. I am pleased. I'm happy to be home again and I'm happy to be happy to be home again. The summer promises much brilliance.