Tuesday - Where's (the) Ruby?
Mar. 15th, 2005 05:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mlerulesRealizing, slowly-like (look at the hour for heaven's sake - shouldn't surprise anyone if'n my mind's moving as slow as molasses in March) that this semester sux, that it's bad and frustrating and painful...and that it's how 'tis and perhaps how it'll be...but this too shall pass (again w/the kidney stone metaphor - not liking this at all) and the summer will come. Of course by then my fate will be sealed.
It's sink or swim and I'm feeling like I'm on the verge of drowning far too often. Must keep working to keep my head above water. But I need to do far more than just survive, I must do fairly well. Just Keep Swimming. Shudder. Pout. Bash head down...but just into pillows.
Yesterday was...well, it barely happened. It swam by w/out much input from me. I ran errands, did some stuff that needed to get done...but NOT the main thing yesterday was for, not what this semester's supposed to be all about. That I blew off as easily as a gale scatters dandelion seeds. POOF! Gotta start putting myself first...'cause nobody else will/does. Yesterday evening was bleak.
Am keeping expectations and hopes for today purposely extremely low so I'm not disappointed...of course I hope it'll be far better than all this. Not asking for miracles, not at this point anyway. Don't think I'm gonna receive a blazing white shaft of light w/a deep voice telling me the secrets - although yesterday's e-mail from Geoff was very nice and helpful and right on target time-wise and subject-wise. Gotta figure it out for myself...and gotta DO IT, somehow. Not fully discouraged from ever handling a classroom. Just discouraged 'bout this particular one. It'll get better - it has to.
I heartily dislike the emotional roller coaster ride of late. Not sure how to get off it, to make it stop, to smooth out the path, to oil the wheels so they don't sqeak quite so much as they tear 'round the corners. Maybe need to find (or train) a good maintenance engineer, one who's willing and able to help out as needed.
It's sink or swim and I'm feeling like I'm on the verge of drowning far too often. Must keep working to keep my head above water. But I need to do far more than just survive, I must do fairly well. Just Keep Swimming. Shudder. Pout. Bash head down...but just into pillows.
Yesterday was...well, it barely happened. It swam by w/out much input from me. I ran errands, did some stuff that needed to get done...but NOT the main thing yesterday was for, not what this semester's supposed to be all about. That I blew off as easily as a gale scatters dandelion seeds. POOF! Gotta start putting myself first...'cause nobody else will/does. Yesterday evening was bleak.
Am keeping expectations and hopes for today purposely extremely low so I'm not disappointed...of course I hope it'll be far better than all this. Not asking for miracles, not at this point anyway. Don't think I'm gonna receive a blazing white shaft of light w/a deep voice telling me the secrets - although yesterday's e-mail from Geoff was very nice and helpful and right on target time-wise and subject-wise. Gotta figure it out for myself...and gotta DO IT, somehow. Not fully discouraged from ever handling a classroom. Just discouraged 'bout this particular one. It'll get better - it has to.
I heartily dislike the emotional roller coaster ride of late. Not sure how to get off it, to make it stop, to smooth out the path, to oil the wheels so they don't sqeak quite so much as they tear 'round the corners. Maybe need to find (or train) a good maintenance engineer, one who's willing and able to help out as needed.
