A Smile That's Doesn't Reach My Eyes

It's almost ridiculous. Right now it's sunny and bright out - an early Golden Hour. It's 58 degrees warm. Earlier 'twas pounding down rain yet sunny, perfect conditions for producing and yes - lo-and-behold there indeed was a bright beautiful full rainbow right across the Willamette River as I drove over the Hawthorne Bridge. All the strollers and bikers were stopped to look.

When the rain tapered off, I walked through lovely Nature up at the Hoyt Arboretum, enjoying the fresh air and trees. I felt a smile on my lips, yet my soul couldn't quite feel it...it seems gray still. It feels right now as if there's a veil/shell/cloud stopping me from fully appreciating what part of me knows is purty danged amazing stuff. It's annoying b'c I often - USUALLY in fact - appreciate precisely this sorta thing a whole freakin' lot. What's stopping me now?! *sigh*

Okay, I'll continue doing what usually works - blasting music, walking around, rereading fave book-bits (feeling lots right now like Milo at the start of The Phantom Toolboth), petting kittenhead Havana, &c. in hopes that whatever's up will cease...or something that's gone will return.

It's/I'm on the verge right now, on the brink...because it really is a glorious day out!

Ruminating on Not Ruminating

Narrating ain't experiencing. Sitting still matters. Letting it be. Mindfulness as mindlessness (meaningless in L-Mark terms). Acknowledge it (w/out judging). Watch it. Don't delve too deep, don't question too much, but instead accept. IT = what I'm feeling = X

Gah - I have a b!tch of a time w/this. I have a hard time accepting X if'n I don't understand X. It's as if the acceptance isn't "real" if'n understanding's not there. (Sorta like consenting w/out full knowledge of what's being consented to.) However, mebbe this is another Time to Trust in My Intuition situation. And so I do and so it goes...and after thinking 'bout not thinking so much, I let it go...and it's far better now. (Communicating w/a few Dear Friends certainly helped :-)

And a thought I've borrowed from a friend darthsunshine to mull 'n' smile over: What makes me vulnerable also what makes me beautiful. Hmm...

est LARP Art

(Un)Holy WOW. "[A] LARP—no matter how it is written or played—is a meta-event that allows players to explore via character situations, problems, or personalities that they would not be ready—or be given the chance—to perform in the real world." Much potential, this...

Thx for turn-on, twistedcat.