Mid-Evening Musings
Nov. 9th, 2005 09:21 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mlerulesWe speak of mid-morning and mid-afternoon and mid-night (twelve-not-noon), but mid-evening doesn't come up much in conversation. Why? It's now mid-evening and I'm having late night (post-midnight) thoughts. Will drift off to sleep later, but it's tricky when I try to doze and my right eye keeps opening up. Must wedge my face into a pillow but still be able to breath. Annoying, this. ... Melodrama alert. I don't want to die alone. There. I've said it. Now I'll leave it be 'til it next rears its ugly head. Perhaps have found inspiration to help motivate me to get off my butt and deal w/my carp: I don't want to leave the messy piles for others.
New beginnings. I've left people behind. I've been left behind. I've started jobs, careers even...things fade away...I move on/away. Transition. Flux. Not necessarily 'tween definite things/spaces/frames of mind. Moving even as I stand still. My mind tends to keep busy, absorbing what's around, making/seeking/finding connections, building/following/tracing paths. But I do like to stop and be still...or perhaps that's not it, perhaps it's focusing intensely and intently on something, on everything, on the moment, on the NOW, such that it feels like I'm not moving even as I'm circling in, honing in, narrowing the focus to encompass...everything that's right then, right there, right now, with all possibilities inherent (including those involving elsewheres and otherwises in time & space and connectivity).
I'm not crying (now), it's just my eye tearing. And it's farking annoying.
At times I think/fantasize/romanticize 'bout moving elsewhere. It's part of the freedom and flexibility I treasure so. It's important that I be able to do this (start over/afresh), more so than actually doing it. See/feel no need to do this now or even soon...but this could change in the blink of any eye, at the drop of a hat. At the droop of an eye? Treasures feel more valuable if they could disappear in the twinkle of an eye, with a twitch of a tail or nose. Bewitched. Charmed. Charm school. How much can charm be taught/developed and how much is it an innate ability (which could well be honed)? Like art, there's theory and practice. Some who can talk art theory/criticism can't create dick. Some can create loveliness and art w/out being able to articulate what 'tis they're doing or why. I talk life but I also live it. Living it enables me to talk it. Talking it is part of living it for me.
Started pulling runes again recently. Just reached in and pulled out today's: Wunjo (joy/light). Cool.
New beginnings. I've left people behind. I've been left behind. I've started jobs, careers even...things fade away...I move on/away. Transition. Flux. Not necessarily 'tween definite things/spaces/frames of mind. Moving even as I stand still. My mind tends to keep busy, absorbing what's around, making/seeking/finding connections, building/following/tracing paths. But I do like to stop and be still...or perhaps that's not it, perhaps it's focusing intensely and intently on something, on everything, on the moment, on the NOW, such that it feels like I'm not moving even as I'm circling in, honing in, narrowing the focus to encompass...everything that's right then, right there, right now, with all possibilities inherent (including those involving elsewheres and otherwises in time & space and connectivity).
I'm not crying (now), it's just my eye tearing. And it's farking annoying.
At times I think/fantasize/romanticize 'bout moving elsewhere. It's part of the freedom and flexibility I treasure so. It's important that I be able to do this (start over/afresh), more so than actually doing it. See/feel no need to do this now or even soon...but this could change in the blink of any eye, at the drop of a hat. At the droop of an eye? Treasures feel more valuable if they could disappear in the twinkle of an eye, with a twitch of a tail or nose. Bewitched. Charmed. Charm school. How much can charm be taught/developed and how much is it an innate ability (which could well be honed)? Like art, there's theory and practice. Some who can talk art theory/criticism can't create dick. Some can create loveliness and art w/out being able to articulate what 'tis they're doing or why. I talk life but I also live it. Living it enables me to talk it. Talking it is part of living it for me.
Started pulling runes again recently. Just reached in and pulled out today's: Wunjo (joy/light). Cool.
