It's the Oddest Sensation
Sep. 6th, 2010 10:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mlerulesUsually my pre-trip anticipation is mega-huge 'n' bouncy-making. And on-and-off for the past week or two I have indeed been bouncing and enthused. Now, just now in fact, w/chili simmering on the stove for the traditional 1st night o' camping dinner (w/leftovers to accompany the newly instituted but quite possibly trad'l b'c oh-so-tasty 1st b-fast whilst camping meal of breakfast burritos) and everything packed ('cept for the ice chest) - or at least waiting to go into the car o'morrow morning - my spirits're indeed starting to soar once again.
Okay, the "odd sensation" is really a lack of sensation - a lack of anticipatory glee. It's as if my emotions've been a bit stuck in molasses at times the past couple of week - or perhaps crystallized in amber. It feels so good now to feel what I'd hoped to feel - bounciness, anticipation (w/out expectation), the urge to Toad Rip, to go out, to celebrate my life, my love, the turning of my wheel - both from Summer to Autumn as well as the start of a new year of my life.
Some of what may have been interfering w/the Full Bounce Fest include these tidbits. Things I never knew 'til I got here (this age/place/space in my life): the role-reversal that began some time ago w/the 'rents/older generations just keeps on going. Now we must take care of them (who used to take care of us). Not so much of an issue for me as 'tis for others, but wow...who knew?! (Okay, many folks know/knew this, but I'm just twigging to't now, big-time, in spades as it were.)
Back to the molasses/amber analogy: I've been feeling a bit stuck - in limbo - waiting for another shoe to drop. Or as if my emotions/feelings have gotten stuck on hold...or been left behind somewhere, like so much lost (misplaced) luggage.
Apathy (low-level feeling) has traditionally been a sign of depression for me, of a down-time in my emotional cycle, an indicator that something's up (well, down ;-) Dwelling ain't gonna help matters though. I'm just gonna get on getting on, moving forward, letting sleeping dogs lie...or lay (gr/Tr).
The uptick I'm experiencing now that I'm done w/the prepping and'll be taking off and going soon (o'morrow) makes me think that today's really been more the Calm Before the Storm (w/Calm = getting stuff done being more the case than dragging/depression and w/Storm = excitement of actually Toad Ripping). It has felt like another 72-hour day.
Ready to GO! Bouncing's building. Zooming's nigh. I'm at peace, even as I bounce... :-)
Okay, the "odd sensation" is really a lack of sensation - a lack of anticipatory glee. It's as if my emotions've been a bit stuck in molasses at times the past couple of week - or perhaps crystallized in amber. It feels so good now to feel what I'd hoped to feel - bounciness, anticipation (w/out expectation), the urge to Toad Rip, to go out, to celebrate my life, my love, the turning of my wheel - both from Summer to Autumn as well as the start of a new year of my life.
Some of what may have been interfering w/the Full Bounce Fest include these tidbits. Things I never knew 'til I got here (this age/place/space in my life): the role-reversal that began some time ago w/the 'rents/older generations just keeps on going. Now we must take care of them (who used to take care of us). Not so much of an issue for me as 'tis for others, but wow...who knew?! (Okay, many folks know/knew this, but I'm just twigging to't now, big-time, in spades as it were.)
Back to the molasses/amber analogy: I've been feeling a bit stuck - in limbo - waiting for another shoe to drop. Or as if my emotions/feelings have gotten stuck on hold...or been left behind somewhere, like so much lost (misplaced) luggage.
Apathy (low-level feeling) has traditionally been a sign of depression for me, of a down-time in my emotional cycle, an indicator that something's up (well, down ;-) Dwelling ain't gonna help matters though. I'm just gonna get on getting on, moving forward, letting sleeping dogs lie...or lay (gr/Tr).
The uptick I'm experiencing now that I'm done w/the prepping and'll be taking off and going soon (o'morrow) makes me think that today's really been more the Calm Before the Storm (w/Calm = getting stuff done being more the case than dragging/depression and w/Storm = excitement of actually Toad Ripping). It has felt like another 72-hour day.
Ready to GO! Bouncing's building. Zooming's nigh. I'm at peace, even as I bounce... :-)
