Ramble...Possibly Cryptic
Oct. 9th, 2008 05:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mlerulesWhere to begin? Finding myself asking what I'm guilty of then immediately wondering where THAT came from. THAT = the feeling and/or assumption that I've done or failed to do something which I should have (or have not) done and/or should feel guilty about. What exactly (or even vaguely) is up with this? What sick l'il winged monkey (e.g., itty bitty sh!tty committee) just stuck his head outta my @ss and whispered Bittersweet Somethings into my ear?
STOPPED THAT NONSENSE IN ITS TRACKS!
Realizations and epiphanies're bursting like fireworks in my head. Ah, the sweet effervescence of![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
ebony_sphynx. It's not always a question of making or taking time, sometimes it's really an issue of having time. Time's a treasure. I'm feeling miserly.
Movie scene scene bubble: "Come out, come out, wherever you are" from The Warriors.
Ah, the search for common ground...the creation of common ground. Mutual interests.
Something that's really pleased me today: realizing that I was just as thrilled and pleased about the several hours of soaking in the sunlight streaming in the windows as I was (and now am) about the on-again off-again rainshowers. I'm living in and amongst and around and loving the Greenergy, the aliveness, the mold growing 'tween the sidewalk cracks, the profusion of nice gardens, of rocks, of succulents, of native plants, of exotic plants. *zip zoom...I'm channeling and full accepting my inner ZOOMINESS...I'm a busy bee, flitting from plant to plant, preparing nectar, desiring mead. First wrote craving mead, but that's not it.
Question for YOU: What do you crave? How does this mesh with what you need? How aware of these topics (issues?) are you? I've got an issue w/the whole concept of issue...or at least how it's become stigmatized. Challenges perhaps.
Rain makes me - or helps me be/become - contemplative. Me/MLE time. Yes, I do spend chunks of MLE time writing stuff down which oft-times, but not always, I then post.
Another question for the unwashed and somewhat slightly dazed: How do you specnd your YOU time? Does just hearing this question spook or delight or bore you? I fear irrelevancy. I fear nobody caring. I know this fear's utterly unfounded, yet somethings I entertain the possibility. *quickly kicks that horse in the shins* SHUDDER.
Feels good hosing off the greasy feelings of guilt, like rinsing the taste of a bad doughnut out of your mouth.
One of today's Mini-Epiphanies(tm): I'm in a long distance r-ship. I forget about it sometimes b'c time's oft-times my b!tch, but not always. (Oh, yeah, I'm in several long distance r-ships.)
Someone recently asked me about a fantasy trip (holiday, folks, getcher minds outta the gutter, you'll get hit by a bowling ball ;-P Turns out that a sponaneous Mini-Toad Rip's as good as any long-awaited/anticipated trip. Some of the best jaunts've been last minute only partially planned. My Virgo powers're strong enough so that nothing horrid's gonna happen, plus I'm fairly resilient (and have many resourceful friends - it's something I value and appreciate highly). But even when I'm not in charge, things work out quite well.
Last Sunday's afternoon drive was marvelous: Fall colors, fresh snow atop trees and rocks (above us, but THERE nonethless), a waterfall, stands of old growth cedar trees, trees across rivers, rocks, pine needles. (NOT SO LOVELY THOUGHT EXTRUSION: I never want to sound shrill or desperate. Okay, I shan't. Phew - that was easy.)
Now the sun's out again. Now it's gone. Much line my thought-bubbles, popping before recorded for posterity. It's okay, the good ones return. The bad ones I fend off w/a stick. Have at! *POP*
Shifting gears, backing up: just yesterday I remembered what's been an on-going desire for a while now. I want to experience Buchart Gardens in all seasons. Hmm. Mebbe this isn't really so. It might well suffice to return there in the height of Spring. Ah, memories of Paris in the Springtime. I kept returning to Paris. Took three different loves there one year (I, JK, and C-M). Wouldn't mind going back again.
I love fiery, passionate, intense love. I also love quiet comfortable secure love. Hmm, mebbe balance's called for. What a concept. I forget sometimes. I forget to spend time with me, with just me, with me not reflected off another, with me through my eyes.
I have the hardest time seeing myself reliably. It's as if I'm wearing so many different glasses/filters or perhaps hats/masks and/or playing different roles I forget what my default is...or mebbe I have no default or mebbe the default itself shifts, chameleon-like.
STOPPED THAT NONSENSE IN ITS TRACKS!
Realizations and epiphanies're bursting like fireworks in my head. Ah, the sweet effervescence of
ebony_sphynx. It's not always a question of making or taking time, sometimes it's really an issue of having time. Time's a treasure. I'm feeling miserly. Movie scene scene bubble: "Come out, come out, wherever you are" from The Warriors.
Ah, the search for common ground...the creation of common ground. Mutual interests.
Something that's really pleased me today: realizing that I was just as thrilled and pleased about the several hours of soaking in the sunlight streaming in the windows as I was (and now am) about the on-again off-again rainshowers. I'm living in and amongst and around and loving the Greenergy, the aliveness, the mold growing 'tween the sidewalk cracks, the profusion of nice gardens, of rocks, of succulents, of native plants, of exotic plants. *zip zoom...I'm channeling and full accepting my inner ZOOMINESS...I'm a busy bee, flitting from plant to plant, preparing nectar, desiring mead. First wrote craving mead, but that's not it.
Question for YOU: What do you crave? How does this mesh with what you need? How aware of these topics (issues?) are you? I've got an issue w/the whole concept of issue...or at least how it's become stigmatized. Challenges perhaps.
Rain makes me - or helps me be/become - contemplative. Me/MLE time. Yes, I do spend chunks of MLE time writing stuff down which oft-times, but not always, I then post.
Another question for the unwashed and somewhat slightly dazed: How do you specnd your YOU time? Does just hearing this question spook or delight or bore you? I fear irrelevancy. I fear nobody caring. I know this fear's utterly unfounded, yet somethings I entertain the possibility. *quickly kicks that horse in the shins* SHUDDER.
Feels good hosing off the greasy feelings of guilt, like rinsing the taste of a bad doughnut out of your mouth.
One of today's Mini-Epiphanies(tm): I'm in a long distance r-ship. I forget about it sometimes b'c time's oft-times my b!tch, but not always. (Oh, yeah, I'm in several long distance r-ships.)
Someone recently asked me about a fantasy trip (holiday, folks, getcher minds outta the gutter, you'll get hit by a bowling ball ;-P Turns out that a sponaneous Mini-Toad Rip's as good as any long-awaited/anticipated trip. Some of the best jaunts've been last minute only partially planned. My Virgo powers're strong enough so that nothing horrid's gonna happen, plus I'm fairly resilient (and have many resourceful friends - it's something I value and appreciate highly). But even when I'm not in charge, things work out quite well.
Last Sunday's afternoon drive was marvelous: Fall colors, fresh snow atop trees and rocks (above us, but THERE nonethless), a waterfall, stands of old growth cedar trees, trees across rivers, rocks, pine needles. (NOT SO LOVELY THOUGHT EXTRUSION: I never want to sound shrill or desperate. Okay, I shan't. Phew - that was easy.)
Now the sun's out again. Now it's gone. Much line my thought-bubbles, popping before recorded for posterity. It's okay, the good ones return. The bad ones I fend off w/a stick. Have at! *POP*
Shifting gears, backing up: just yesterday I remembered what's been an on-going desire for a while now. I want to experience Buchart Gardens in all seasons. Hmm. Mebbe this isn't really so. It might well suffice to return there in the height of Spring. Ah, memories of Paris in the Springtime. I kept returning to Paris. Took three different loves there one year (I, JK, and C-M). Wouldn't mind going back again.
I love fiery, passionate, intense love. I also love quiet comfortable secure love. Hmm, mebbe balance's called for. What a concept. I forget sometimes. I forget to spend time with me, with just me, with me not reflected off another, with me through my eyes.
I have the hardest time seeing myself reliably. It's as if I'm wearing so many different glasses/filters or perhaps hats/masks and/or playing different roles I forget what my default is...or mebbe I have no default or mebbe the default itself shifts, chameleon-like.
