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mlerulesSo, I've been eagerly looking fwd to today for days now. And now I'm feeling poopy. WTF? I know what's wrong, what's missing, what'd make things better. But it's not under my control - which is part of what makes the solution work - despite being labelled Puppet Master/Mistress by some. Other titles I've held include: Pot Stirrer, Anti-X, Queen Hound, Bridge. Thinking of this last one: Bridge..if 'twere to other worlds ('specially "the next") I could be a Psychopomp. But I do my work in the here & now, w/shades of possibilities for the future...what if's, alternatives, possibilities actualizing all over the damg place. I've been a Catalyst...and an Inspiration. I would like to do/be these again...but would really really like some tit-for-tat. Turnabout Is Fair Play. And I do like to play fair. And I like to PLAY. For real.
I want more epiphanies (shower time/drive time) but also more slowly dawning realizations. More "oh, yeah" moments. I want to run and jump and skip and hide my head in the sand and curl up into a ball until this passes (this being whatever malaise has spread itself over me like molasses...everything's so difficult to get started doing). Roller coasters suck. I'm riding one right now. Aware of it as it plunges me down then ratchets me back up. I'll get around to taking over the controls myself soon. Not that I'll really control it, but I can derail this particular cycle. Ack - the bucket into the well of memory just came up w/that merry-go-round metaphor again. Merry-Go-Round combined w/roller coaster. Scrambler, too. Part of me wants more input just to drown out the noise from the ghosts. Must remember: thinking is doing. I want to run, to hide...but also to appear in all my blazing glory and shine brightly for a bit, for all who view me to marvel at, to be desired.
Today will be a good day once it gets going...once I get moving.
I want more epiphanies (shower time/drive time) but also more slowly dawning realizations. More "oh, yeah" moments. I want to run and jump and skip and hide my head in the sand and curl up into a ball until this passes (this being whatever malaise has spread itself over me like molasses...everything's so difficult to get started doing). Roller coasters suck. I'm riding one right now. Aware of it as it plunges me down then ratchets me back up. I'll get around to taking over the controls myself soon. Not that I'll really control it, but I can derail this particular cycle. Ack - the bucket into the well of memory just came up w/that merry-go-round metaphor again. Merry-Go-Round combined w/roller coaster. Scrambler, too. Part of me wants more input just to drown out the noise from the ghosts. Must remember: thinking is doing. I want to run, to hide...but also to appear in all my blazing glory and shine brightly for a bit, for all who view me to marvel at, to be desired.
Today will be a good day once it gets going...once I get moving.
