Observations Based Upon Realizations
Jun. 10th, 2006 12:37 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mlerulesSomething that would've tossed me into a tizzy a while back doesn't now, nearly the opposite in fact. (Phew & yay & huzzah for me!) Being far less selfish and insecure. Makes me wonder 'bout the r-ship(s) 'tween selfishness & narcissism and insecurity and stuff & nonsense along such lines. Re: narcissism - ah, hell, gonna brain-dump (hopefully mightily) here & now w/out trying too hard to make it make sense quite yet: narcissism = me as center of universe/world that matters...wanna be there (in the middle, the most important...perhaps The Most Important...which might mean The Only One) [yeah, yeah, not talking intellectually knowing now but emotionally getting it] And this is precisely where the problem lies...and the solution as well: Life ain't like Highlander: there can be more than One. There WILL be more than One. Flexibility. Strength in numbers. Something like Dilution, only not quite that...more spread out...sorta like more stability from more foundation. And what makes one I love a happier person makes me a happier person. Have somehow managed to abandon my fear of abandonment. Pleases me and strengthens me to realize this. Lack of jealousy does NOT mean I care less...only that I fear less. Leaps and bounds of faith...in myself as much as any-thing/body else.
Connection(s) 'tween faith and intuition: Having faith in myself as trusting (and recognizing) my intuition.
All of a sudden the imagery of travelling through space (time as connected yet separate/apart spatial coordinates) comes to mind...the further out we go from a central occasion/place, the closer we end up. The wrinkles in time appear as wrinkles on our faces...growing olde together. The travelling together need not be constant. What happens when the rates of travel vary greatly? 'Pends in part on the directions chosen. Possible to head in many directions at one and the same time (I really should learn how to spell simultaneously - must think simulate...or stimulate - 'kay, the latter's easier to connect with...will see if'n I've learned it when I next try to spell it). Within and without...and being "with it."
Had a thought earlier today - possibly a desire/fear - about Etch-A-Sketching my life: turning it upside down, giving it a shake, and starting anew. Thought 'bout when I've done that before: different if'n I choose it rather than have it thrust upon me. Hmm, seems like I've usually been the one choosing rather than the other way around. Suppose I'm pretty damn lucky at that!
One of my biggest sets of fears revolve around not being able to wrest control of my destiny from my sluggishness and procrastination. [Please don't risk my ire by spouting "Just Do It" to me.] I think it might be easier to make a clean start from a full break than deal w/things as they are and move on - more goes here but it's not flowing. I've gotten, been handed, and taken many do-overs in my life. Dropping a Smart Bomb now ain't a good or wise idea/plan. "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." Guess I'll keep slogging away. It ain't sure & steady, but that's okay. Feeling pretty good 'bout stuff & things. Gonna try to sleep now...
Connection(s) 'tween faith and intuition: Having faith in myself as trusting (and recognizing) my intuition.
All of a sudden the imagery of travelling through space (time as connected yet separate/apart spatial coordinates) comes to mind...the further out we go from a central occasion/place, the closer we end up. The wrinkles in time appear as wrinkles on our faces...growing olde together. The travelling together need not be constant. What happens when the rates of travel vary greatly? 'Pends in part on the directions chosen. Possible to head in many directions at one and the same time (I really should learn how to spell simultaneously - must think simulate...or stimulate - 'kay, the latter's easier to connect with...will see if'n I've learned it when I next try to spell it). Within and without...and being "with it."
Had a thought earlier today - possibly a desire/fear - about Etch-A-Sketching my life: turning it upside down, giving it a shake, and starting anew. Thought 'bout when I've done that before: different if'n I choose it rather than have it thrust upon me. Hmm, seems like I've usually been the one choosing rather than the other way around. Suppose I'm pretty damn lucky at that!
One of my biggest sets of fears revolve around not being able to wrest control of my destiny from my sluggishness and procrastination. [Please don't risk my ire by spouting "Just Do It" to me.] I think it might be easier to make a clean start from a full break than deal w/things as they are and move on - more goes here but it's not flowing. I've gotten, been handed, and taken many do-overs in my life. Dropping a Smart Bomb now ain't a good or wise idea/plan. "You don't know what you've got 'til it's gone." Guess I'll keep slogging away. It ain't sure & steady, but that's okay. Feeling pretty good 'bout stuff & things. Gonna try to sleep now...
