Food Coma / Crossroads
Apr. 6th, 2006 11:16 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
mlerulesIt's been nearly a year since I began my current paper journal. 'Twas 4/8/05. I'm ending it now and removing the last few blank cream coloured pages for scratch paper. Time to start anew.
Okay, I've found a worthy goal: "A light, gentle, loving kiss such as lovers give each other after desire has been satisfied, after desire has been satisfied many times over months or even years, a kiss of acceptance and trust and deep mutual knowledge." - Ruth Rendell
Starting anew includes browsing through the past year's worth of entries. These aren't complete, as LJ has become an important source of journaling as well. Certain quotes/thoughts I noted over the past year are worth noting now:
"'If you're happy in a dream...does it count?'"
"Because the truth is, that only what counts counts."
Both from Arundhati Roy's "The God of Small Things" which I read a year ago.
Henry David Thoreau: "The question is not what you look at, but what you see."
Can I phoenix (verb) w/out first being reduced to ash?
Part of the process of opening yourself up to another involves essentially handing that person the keys to your heart, soul, and head: ask and ye shall receive. This triggers current thoughts/feelings: vulnerabilities exist from letting folks in. Not so concerned now as in the more-distant past about what folks'll find there...it's okay stuff, in fact, some of it's pretty damned good. The furniture and furnishings are not part of one set pattern. I've picked this up here, that up there...a pretty electic mix. Perhaps some consistency(ies) could be found...but for a change I'm not bothered to try to find 'em.
Am I the same person I was back then (pick any point in the past 43 years)? What's changed? What's stayed the same? What does it matter? On this last point: something 'bout consistency, security, what can be counted on to continue.
In a travel context, Thomas Swick wrote "Tourists are immigrants who audit. We feel the dislocation yet bear none of the responsibility. We pick up a few words; we don't abandon our mother tongue. We come for the enticements but we don't stay for the test." (Yeah, a few well-placed words about New Orleans could go here.) But for now, I'm thinking it's important to be wary of Emotional Tourists. They come in, plumb the depths, mine the riches, but before having to deal with any of the issues (including but so not limited to structural support), they've moved onto other shiny and new (to them) mines/goldfields. Have shifted from houses to mines somehow.
Yes - well and truly in journalling mode now. Will start the next one now as I'm gonna be outta town for a few days and even though I may not have much time to journal, there's enough going on right now to fill up many pages so I'll be ready just in case.
Hee: LJ as an STD (Socially Transmitted Disease).
What is intimacy? It can be painful when it's experienced/found...then fades (one-sidedly or mutually).
"Your kung fu is not as better as mine." - from Skippy's Revenge (Grave Robbers II)
Need to read even more Chas deLint. Consensual reality. Chosen fambily.
The magic number is now 12.
Must live primarily to please myself...even if this includes as a necessary part helping others. But it's unwise to live for another. No handing keys to happiness over. They can come inside - let's rephrase that so I needn't make jokes about rainhats - folks can find out about me, but I'm in the driver's seat 'cept by express permission and w/prior negotiation and agmt.
Qx after people-watching at a party: What's the difference (compare & contrast) 'tween stoner toys and raver toys?
From whence does desire originate/spring?
Made my way through a tricky sitch emotionally this past year: starting falling inappropriately but managed to pull back and somehow get comfie with what is and more importantly what's NOT. Phew! Feels good to have gone through it...sucessfully.
It's been a heck of a year. Lots has happened. Sat's the one-year anniversary of my ex and his wife: yay for them!
'Nuff said for now.
Okay, I've found a worthy goal: "A light, gentle, loving kiss such as lovers give each other after desire has been satisfied, after desire has been satisfied many times over months or even years, a kiss of acceptance and trust and deep mutual knowledge." - Ruth Rendell
Starting anew includes browsing through the past year's worth of entries. These aren't complete, as LJ has become an important source of journaling as well. Certain quotes/thoughts I noted over the past year are worth noting now:
"'If you're happy in a dream...does it count?'"
"Because the truth is, that only what counts counts."
Both from Arundhati Roy's "The God of Small Things" which I read a year ago.
Henry David Thoreau: "The question is not what you look at, but what you see."
Can I phoenix (verb) w/out first being reduced to ash?
Part of the process of opening yourself up to another involves essentially handing that person the keys to your heart, soul, and head: ask and ye shall receive. This triggers current thoughts/feelings: vulnerabilities exist from letting folks in. Not so concerned now as in the more-distant past about what folks'll find there...it's okay stuff, in fact, some of it's pretty damned good. The furniture and furnishings are not part of one set pattern. I've picked this up here, that up there...a pretty electic mix. Perhaps some consistency(ies) could be found...but for a change I'm not bothered to try to find 'em.
Am I the same person I was back then (pick any point in the past 43 years)? What's changed? What's stayed the same? What does it matter? On this last point: something 'bout consistency, security, what can be counted on to continue.
In a travel context, Thomas Swick wrote "Tourists are immigrants who audit. We feel the dislocation yet bear none of the responsibility. We pick up a few words; we don't abandon our mother tongue. We come for the enticements but we don't stay for the test." (Yeah, a few well-placed words about New Orleans could go here.) But for now, I'm thinking it's important to be wary of Emotional Tourists. They come in, plumb the depths, mine the riches, but before having to deal with any of the issues (including but so not limited to structural support), they've moved onto other shiny and new (to them) mines/goldfields. Have shifted from houses to mines somehow.
Yes - well and truly in journalling mode now. Will start the next one now as I'm gonna be outta town for a few days and even though I may not have much time to journal, there's enough going on right now to fill up many pages so I'll be ready just in case.
Hee: LJ as an STD (Socially Transmitted Disease).
What is intimacy? It can be painful when it's experienced/found...then fades (one-sidedly or mutually).
"Your kung fu is not as better as mine." - from Skippy's Revenge (Grave Robbers II)
Need to read even more Chas deLint. Consensual reality. Chosen fambily.
The magic number is now 12.
Must live primarily to please myself...even if this includes as a necessary part helping others. But it's unwise to live for another. No handing keys to happiness over. They can come inside - let's rephrase that so I needn't make jokes about rainhats - folks can find out about me, but I'm in the driver's seat 'cept by express permission and w/prior negotiation and agmt.
Qx after people-watching at a party: What's the difference (compare & contrast) 'tween stoner toys and raver toys?
From whence does desire originate/spring?
Made my way through a tricky sitch emotionally this past year: starting falling inappropriately but managed to pull back and somehow get comfie with what is and more importantly what's NOT. Phew! Feels good to have gone through it...sucessfully.
It's been a heck of a year. Lots has happened. Sat's the one-year anniversary of my ex and his wife: yay for them!
'Nuff said for now.
