So, don't even know where to begin. Saying "at the beginning" begs the qx of where exactly (or even vaguely) that might be. "Phbt," I say. I think I knew - or at least had an inkling - of what'd work. *shifted gears* Shifted focus. Now to crawl out from under the jumbledness, avoid all jangledness, and smoothly extract the good whilst leaving behind the less-so.
What do I know? Openness exists. Desire's developing. Mebbe it's better not to press on the brakes but instead give myself breathing room: space & time to wriggle and wiggle and enjoy w/out worrying. I think I can do this. I shall do this. *aaaaah*