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mlerulesSo, Dad died on 08/20/18. 'Twas unexpected. He'd been out of it a lot of late, but physically in pretty darned good shape (leaving aside serious frailty). Heart finally gave out, or something. Not clear, but it doesn't much matter.
Much sadness, but also a palpable sense of relief. He'd been pretty out of it mentally for quite a while, and getting around was getting harder and harder. (Time before last he'd not been able to stand to come out for lunch and instead we hung out in his room while he lay in bed.) A few years ago he'd worried that he didn't have any cash yet needed to get a taxi out of Damascas, and that's but a small part of matters. Still...
The hardest part is realizing he's no longer there. Even though he'd not been fully here for a while, he was always THERE, if that makes any sense. And now he's...not. He's just...gone.
Words really don't cut it. Emotions're pretty raw. I've been doing practical things, like pulling together photos, which helps a bit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/8146112@N06/albums/72157698815250151
And I've been sharing stories w/Mom and my step-mom, &c. Learning some things I didn't know; pretty fascinating. Looking forward to his memorial in the Bay Area on Sunday, 10/07/18, where more stories will be shared. It'll be a small affair at my step-mom's house, where he'd not lived for the past few years.
They'd been together for 30 years. My last in-person memory of him is from their 21st Wedding Anniversary which I joined them for this past June 26th (3rd year in a row we celebrated at Chez Panisse, where she'd proposed to him lo these many years ago). Pics in this set: https://www.flickr.com/photos/8146112@N06/albums/72157695465294062
Dinner together was delightful, the best I've seen him and them in years: laughing, smiling, sharing stories, spending good moments together, gently touching and enjoying each others' company. I went to the bathroom for a while once we'd taken Dad back to his room in the dementia ward at the assisted living place to give them some time together...it was really sweet and nice...and the last time I saw him alive. It's hard, oh so hard. Even as 'twas time for him to go...
So, those you love and/or appreciate - tell them, hug them, appreciate them. It may not last. You may not get another chance.
Much sadness, but also a palpable sense of relief. He'd been pretty out of it mentally for quite a while, and getting around was getting harder and harder. (Time before last he'd not been able to stand to come out for lunch and instead we hung out in his room while he lay in bed.) A few years ago he'd worried that he didn't have any cash yet needed to get a taxi out of Damascas, and that's but a small part of matters. Still...
The hardest part is realizing he's no longer there. Even though he'd not been fully here for a while, he was always THERE, if that makes any sense. And now he's...not. He's just...gone.
Words really don't cut it. Emotions're pretty raw. I've been doing practical things, like pulling together photos, which helps a bit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/8146112@N06/albums/72157698815250151
And I've been sharing stories w/Mom and my step-mom, &c. Learning some things I didn't know; pretty fascinating. Looking forward to his memorial in the Bay Area on Sunday, 10/07/18, where more stories will be shared. It'll be a small affair at my step-mom's house, where he'd not lived for the past few years.
They'd been together for 30 years. My last in-person memory of him is from their 21st Wedding Anniversary which I joined them for this past June 26th (3rd year in a row we celebrated at Chez Panisse, where she'd proposed to him lo these many years ago). Pics in this set: https://www.flickr.com/photos/8146112@N06/albums/72157695465294062
Dinner together was delightful, the best I've seen him and them in years: laughing, smiling, sharing stories, spending good moments together, gently touching and enjoying each others' company. I went to the bathroom for a while once we'd taken Dad back to his room in the dementia ward at the assisted living place to give them some time together...it was really sweet and nice...and the last time I saw him alive. It's hard, oh so hard. Even as 'twas time for him to go...
So, those you love and/or appreciate - tell them, hug them, appreciate them. It may not last. You may not get another chance.
