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Reflecting Upon Reflections
"There are mirrors for the face, but the only mirror for the spirit is wise self-reflection." - Baltesar Gracian (Tidbit of Worldly Wisdom #89)
I have a difficult time accepting and lettings things be w/out analyzing the crap outta them. Things/them in this case referring to my feelings. In my effort to know/understand...well, I can flail about and possibly waste time/energy that could be spent (better spent?) doing other things. The unexamined life ain't worth living. Blah blah freakin' blah. I suppose it's best to maintain a balance in this, as in all things.
I'm tired of balance! I wanna take a plunge. I wanna DO w/out thinking. No, I wanna BE w/out thinking so damn much 'bout it all the freakin' time. Sorta odd, this, as recently I'd been noticing and wondering (and somewhat bemoaning the fact) that it's been a while since I've gone all inside-my-head and swum in the thinkie-thoughts river. Then, when I find myself doing it, I feel like pulling back. Perhaps I've just had enough for now.
Or not. B'c I feel myself winding up and about to let myself go like a top...and I'm loving it!
Sometimes the sensation of free-fall delights me. Other times - not so much. Last night I found myself in a dark pit. I felt myself...not falling - this wasn't a freefall sorta experience - just slowly sinking deeper and deeper. No spirals, not a rut...or mebbe 'twas a rut, but a rut's more like a groove, and this was definitely a pit w/high sides fairly close by. I figured - correctly - that if'n I were just to get to sleep, I'd wake up and feel better, which is exactly what happened. Sleep came easily and was long and deep and good.
Now, rather than try to figure out WHY I felt that way, I'm just gonna let it be, let it go. Gah! This is one of the hardest things for me to do. I usually wanna know WHY. Really though, I'm not sure why. And I'm not sure what value lies in trying to figure it out. For one thing, if'n I just leave it be, if'n there IS something going on inside, it'll come to me when it's ready.
And really, I think I know at least some of what's needed to make it not happen again: Getting off my duff and doing what I ought. Shoulding on myself? Mebbe. But if'n I feel low b'c I did something or didn't do something, then it's time to Do It...or get over it. And really, it's stuff I wanna do. Of course, there may well be more to it. But I'll just let it be and trust that intuition will spark or bubble or whatEVER it's gonna do to clue me into whassup when the time's ripe.
And now, by giving it (all this) even THIS much attention, perhaps it's more than it deserves. Nah, it's not, it's just what it is. *sigh* I amuse myself.
Not feeling like being RingLeader/Den Mom. Gonna do what I like. Join me if'n you will. Expect little. Be surprised. Smile. Live. Learn. Walk. Talk. Breathe. Feel. BAPAMAP. And so I find the peace within once again.
I have a difficult time accepting and lettings things be w/out analyzing the crap outta them. Things/them in this case referring to my feelings. In my effort to know/understand...well, I can flail about and possibly waste time/energy that could be spent (better spent?) doing other things. The unexamined life ain't worth living. Blah blah freakin' blah. I suppose it's best to maintain a balance in this, as in all things.
I'm tired of balance! I wanna take a plunge. I wanna DO w/out thinking. No, I wanna BE w/out thinking so damn much 'bout it all the freakin' time. Sorta odd, this, as recently I'd been noticing and wondering (and somewhat bemoaning the fact) that it's been a while since I've gone all inside-my-head and swum in the thinkie-thoughts river. Then, when I find myself doing it, I feel like pulling back. Perhaps I've just had enough for now.
Or not. B'c I feel myself winding up and about to let myself go like a top...and I'm loving it!
Sometimes the sensation of free-fall delights me. Other times - not so much. Last night I found myself in a dark pit. I felt myself...not falling - this wasn't a freefall sorta experience - just slowly sinking deeper and deeper. No spirals, not a rut...or mebbe 'twas a rut, but a rut's more like a groove, and this was definitely a pit w/high sides fairly close by. I figured - correctly - that if'n I were just to get to sleep, I'd wake up and feel better, which is exactly what happened. Sleep came easily and was long and deep and good.
Now, rather than try to figure out WHY I felt that way, I'm just gonna let it be, let it go. Gah! This is one of the hardest things for me to do. I usually wanna know WHY. Really though, I'm not sure why. And I'm not sure what value lies in trying to figure it out. For one thing, if'n I just leave it be, if'n there IS something going on inside, it'll come to me when it's ready.
And really, I think I know at least some of what's needed to make it not happen again: Getting off my duff and doing what I ought. Shoulding on myself? Mebbe. But if'n I feel low b'c I did something or didn't do something, then it's time to Do It...or get over it. And really, it's stuff I wanna do. Of course, there may well be more to it. But I'll just let it be and trust that intuition will spark or bubble or whatEVER it's gonna do to clue me into whassup when the time's ripe.
And now, by giving it (all this) even THIS much attention, perhaps it's more than it deserves. Nah, it's not, it's just what it is. *sigh* I amuse myself.
Not feeling like being RingLeader/Den Mom. Gonna do what I like. Join me if'n you will. Expect little. Be surprised. Smile. Live. Learn. Walk. Talk. Breathe. Feel. BAPAMAP. And so I find the peace within once again.